Walton Heath - The Duke's Head

Morels? - Who Gives a Shitake!!

Tuesday: 21 September

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 12 legs, Registrara, Clat and her sister Judy, & Monica the Richardson - we need walking names for these two, and welcome to the group.

Mrs P on the M1 somewhere, returning her young man to Uni, and Windy packing for her holidays. Sally - busy!

Find of the walk: a blue pair of men's underpants (slightly stained - don't go there)

Distance: 71/2 miles

Weather: gorgeous

Once assembled, and introductions, food exchanges etc., over with, we set off across the tip of Banstead Heath. Within minutes we passed a muscly man , limping in his singlet and shorts, looking quite uncomfortable, and we lost Sue to his charms. Apparently, he loves poodles (what, for lunch, or otherwise?) the latter it seems, but she managed to extricate herself and it wasn't long before we stopped again.

Amanita

A fabulous 'fairy wood' of mushrooms appeared - the red sort, with white spots , and more and more varieties were soon to be found - inkspots, shaggy wotsits, flatcaps - all probably poisonous, but amazing to behold. In fact, throughout our walk, fungi and toadstools of all kinds were on offer - so if you want to lose a kidney or two, have some for breakfast!

We came to the Sportsman pub, where 8 legs had a quick refreshment, and then onwards and across the golf course - none of us got hit, even though there were plenty of players having their greens.

Over the M25 we tarried - and through some woods before coming out to a wonderful view over the southern valleys and Box Hill to one side. This meant going downwards a little, and then upwards once more as we headed towards the Dorking Road, and over into a field or two. the m25 was crossed once more, and eventually we came to a small village green where huge quantities of damsons were waiting for us to pick them. We descended like a horde of locusts, bags in hand, and soon had enough for some serious jelly-making.

We also picked some conkers - brilliant for keeping spiders at bay in your homes, folks.

'Steve Carter' Veterinary Surgeon

The path led us into Walton on the Hill, where we stopped at a little butchers shop (eatmymeat.co.uk) ha ha ha, and purchases were made. Other shops we passed, have recently changed hands, and one had a window full of cake - among which was an enormous cupcake -this was completely understandable judging by the size of the owner. Time was pressing, so we cut across the Heath once more for our return to the pub - and foood. Along the route, T.B. had a change of identity, and emerged as Steve Carter - veterinary surgeon (well, that's what it said on his badge) - obviously the training is much quicker these days. However, Farty managed to lose her glasses along this stretch, which she usually pokes down her cleavage - some of us do not have this facility.

We said our good-byes at this point to Registrara and Monica as they had stuff to do.

The pub is looking fabulous, and the hanging baskets are truly a sight to behold. The landlady (who rather likes T.B.) told us the secret is to drip feed them and would T.B. send her his pics - hmmmmm. Another tip - Farty says you can achieve drip feed by placing frozen bottle of water on the top of basket every morning - simples. A rather worrying moment occurred, when a young lady at the bar, produced a human head from her handbag, but we think she was only a practising hairdresser. Another 'moment' occurred, when Steve Carter discovered a crop circle on his face - which he blamed on his new shaver - must be a vet thing, then.

A lot of ham egg and chips action today , which was excellent. The other dishes were very good too. Here are our scores Food - 5, value - 4 (drinks are expensive), service - 5, ambulance - 5, so 19/20 - we shall be back.

Next week - Tues 28th - we are probably going to try Bletchingley - The Whyte Harte, yet again, to attempt Walk number IV - the possibilities are endless. See you there, then.