Bletchingley III, Whyte Hart

Get Yer Gums Around Me Plums - A Stonkingly Gorge(ous) Walk

Tuesday 31 August:

Venue: The Whyte Harte

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Mrs P (now recovered), Clat. No Windy due to entertaining her sis , and no doubt cooking-up some disguises, and the bad tooth fairy visited Sue over the weekend, leaving her crownless, which had to be attended to ,as soon as the surgery, and her mouth, was open.

However, Sally (welcome back love) met us for lunch and it was great to see her again, and we all admired her lovely top.

Find of the Walk: a baby's beanie hat

Distance: 6 1/2 Miles

Weather - just fabulous

After a quick coffee and a visit to our mini W.I. or farmers' market in the backs of cars, we were ready to go on our Rupert the Bear-shaped walk. We began by following a little of route I which meant walking through the churchyard. Clat very soon messed herself as she trod in some dog dooooo and was annoyed. Farty found a puddle so Clat immersed s----y boot, hoping that the recently applied vaseline to her cracks and fissures, would prevent leakage. Mrs P advised using some Dobbin, which confused Clat, as she wondered how a donkey could stop leakage. The matter was quickly cleared up when we realised the word is dubbin - we try to be perfect in all things......

Mon then spotted a bird of prey wheeling about in the sky and said it was probably looking for thermals, (which does not mean winter vests) - I think we were having some wordage problems this morning. Nearby, some lovely allotments with amazing views - the local p.o. is selling marrows and squash at 50p a time - excellent, and all proceeds to local church, so Desmond Tutu will be pleased.

We passed by the Rectory once more and onwards to Pendell Court School - full of kids, on holiday activities. We crossed several fields, one of which contained a horse, who constantly stuck his tongue out at us - charming, and then we came to a Teletubby-type tunnel, which went under the M25. Before the entrance we found an apple tree, and had a mini-scrumping and munching moment, before continuing.

On t'other side, we found a bountiful supply of fruit trees. Masses and masses of small plums, which we gorged ourselves on, and then decided to pick. Farty, who is strong of limb, pulled the branches right down and held on tight, looking as if she was begging for mercy. We did think though, if she let go suddenly, she could easily be catapulted back to the start, such was the strength of her pulling. Meanwhile, we filled a big bag, and then poor Madame P had to carry them - bit of a wobble backwards there, when she put the rucsack on.

This is where we had our break, and T.B. took the opportunity to relate a story of an old man, who , when stressed, took himself into a room, to give himself a 'tug' - i leave it to your imagination what that meant , but i'm with Lloyds.

T.B. has also developed a penchant for dead trees, (what does she mean - Picture editor) as you will see on this blog, and we saw quite a few today.

Other trees were decked with pears galore - an amazing find, and we thought of all the jams, jellies, and chutneys we could create from this lot - ooooooooooooo.

Further up we came to a small pond (gorgeous), with bullrushes, and about a hundred bright orange, bonking dragonflies - sorry, but is that my proboscis (sp) in your ear?

The path climbed very steeply at this point and even steeper at another point. (Wind, we know now why you really cried off). Over Spring Bottom Lane, higher and higher we went, until we crowned the summit (no pun intended Sue). The views here were magnificent. To the South we had Redhill, the quarries, and Dorking - which clearly demonstrated why it is called a gap town. To the North, Battersea Power Station, the London Eye, and the Shell Building, which is near the MI6 building. As the song says ' on a clear day, you can see forever'.

This place was called Quarry Hangers, and parts of it are a nature reserve.

We now crossed the top of ' Rupert's' head, passed Arthur's seat, and Tower Farm, aptly named, as the farmer had built one, and then a much gentler trackway for our descent. The only problem was the not very gentle driving of the 4-wheel cars (women i am sorry to say) who , fags in hand, hurtled along the tracks, nearly knocking us off our feet, and creating massive dust clouds.

Some beautiful acers were noted, and a passer-by asked us if we were lost - do we always look as if we are? Downwards we travelled, and much easier walking to be had. We crossed over the M25 this time, and disappeared on a track adjacent to the motorway. We crossed a clearing and came to Kitchen Copse (another nature reserve), and our maps led us to turn right, which meant navigating some very old and disused pathways. Clat was under the impression this was supposed to be a cycleway - no way. A stile was discovered , followed by dense undergrowth which contained a narrow plank over a ditch and another stile. Much bashing of bushes was performed, and Clat missed her footing and the s----y boot now went into the ditch. No harm done, and we eventually emerged, a bit prickly, into a field.

journey's end in sight

Our path led us to Place Farm, where we found the proper cycleway - so the maps are wrongly marked. From here, an easy journey homewards, cross some fields of very ripe flax - great for curing constipation, dear reader, and then on across a golf course, before reaching church lane and back to the pub.

Sally's platter!

Well, the food excelled again, and the service was good. The chips were back on, but no jug of water offered, so it now scores 19/20, oh, and they forgot to charge us for coffee.

Right then, next week is a bit different. Clat cannot do Tues 7th as she is expecting a delivery - and it's not a baby. Farty and T.B. are celebrating 29yrs of togetherness, and may decide to do their own thing, or not. So, Mrs P will be leading a walk in her parts (you know what i mean!), and therefore please direct queries to her.

On Weds. 8th, for anyone who cares to join in, Clat, and Farty will be meeting at the Ramblers Rest pub, Outwood Lane, Chipstead bottom (near Kingswood), at the usual time. This walk will hopefully include a visit to a farm shop for the purchase of meat, but knowing our luck, will probably be closed.

Happy walking everyone xxxxxxx