Reigate Hill, The Sportsman

2 etagieR
Tuesday 29th June

Venue: Reigate Hill

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy, Mrs Provincial, 12 Legs, Registrara, Clat

Distance: 6 and a bigger bit, miles.

Find of the walk: a urinelle/pump attachment.

Weather: very humid, which made for hot and sticky conditions, and damp patches - don't go there matron.

We first have to congratulate Windy on her magnificent appearance. Having walked the long distance from the recent race meeting at Ascot, all she had left was her titfer - and a splendid thing it was too. Mind you, we had to extricate her and Mrs P from two men, who were closing -in fast, clutching their styrofoam cups.

n.b. the food kiosk here has changed hands, and the appearance has improved dramatically - we have yet to sample it's wares. However, the same cannot be said for the conveniences which were quite 'inconvenience'.

A kestrel was spotted wheeling and diving about, as we looked over towards the magnificent view from this parking spot.

As we started downhill, Farty found a wonderful mossy 'installation' - rather ethereal and mysterious, but quite a thing to see. At the bottom (of the hill), we turned left , over a road, and up a track which was strewn with fly-tipping debris. We then walked underneath the motorway, and climbed upwards once more, to eventually meet up with previous Rahrah-trodden paths.

At one point we found a group of 'mature' women, dithering at a crossroads, not sure which way to go. Farty showed them her map, and so did Clat, so think they then got the message, and set off on the right course. You see, they didn't have a T.B. with them, and he is so useful with his equipment.

We pushed on and no fields of cattle to cross, although they were spotted nearby . One set of cows had had their rude bits painted red, or was it something to do with puberty - don't go there again, matron.

We passed a few nettles absolutely smothered with black hairy caterpillars - wondering what sort of butterflies they would make, and caught a glimpse of a fox slinking off along the path. After travelling through a wood, and a field full of poppies and grasses, we arrived at Fanny's Farm. Here, we had a well-earned pit-stop, and partook of refreshments. No cappuccinos here, but filter coffee was o.k. Purchases were made, loos checked out, plants examined, and books were browsed. This is quite an amazing place, so quirky and individual, which is all down to Fanny's touch (mind you, you couldn't call it Fanny's Farm in America, without a few unsavoury eyebrows being raised). yeeee ha

After a colossal break of 40 mins, it was time to push on. Up a bit, down a big bit, and after a tricky- road bit, we crossed the motorway and in to the outskirts of Merstham. Bunting adorned the road, which made it very festive, and good to see. Here we ventured across the Reigate Heath golf course, and watched men foraging in the long grass for their balls - matron again, then.

We bumped into other walkers and some of our party got 'stuck' with an Irish man (who appeared to be wearing his pyjamas), and his wife. He told them he had kissed the Blarney Stone - what, in his pyjamas? - this was not discovered.

Through Royal Alexandra and Albert School and towards the base of the hill once more. A walnut tree was spied, complete with green fruits, and Clat tried one - not to be recommended, although Farty was trying to recall a recipe for pickling them.

Slowly up the hill we climbed, and once at the top, the walking boots and equipment were discarded with glee - so a further walk to the pub was abandoned.

After a stretch and a good rub-down, we set-off in convoy for The Sportsman pub, but Angela had to breakaway for an appt with the hairdresser. This is a good spot, and the bar staff were friendly and helpful, taking pity on T.B. as they thought he looked hen-pecked (as if). We sat outside, and soon noticed a man with a one-wheeled bicycle, which obviously hadn't started off like that. He was a starer and a poser, fiddling with his equipment and sprawling on the grass - we decided he was distinctly odd - T.B. even asked if there were any 'special' homes in the area. We partook of lunch, and then moved to a shadier spot, and our starer was picked up in a car by a very normal-looking woman - i hope she knew him.

Another hat was on display by Chris, which was circa 1970s and came from LAX - the fashionista strikes again. We stayed longer than normal in the lovely and warm conditions, and Wind made us all laugh with some super-imposed photos supplied by the legendary Bill McNab.

Pub scores: Food -4, Value -4, Amb -4, Service - 5, giving a total of 17.

So, where to next week? We are hoping to do something in the Pease Pottage area - so watchout for messages. Enjoy the heat xxxxx

Brockham, Dukes Head

Stile-ish walk with niffs and stiffs
Tuesday 22 June: - this is national insect week, in case you were wondering, and i've met a few creepy-crawlies in my time, i can tell you (all male)

Venue: Duke's Head, Brockham
Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy, 10 legs, and me -Clat
Distance: 6 1/2 miles - it was very hot

Find of the walk: the stiffs - not nice to photograph, and too smelly as well.

Definitely a day for hats and suncream - T.B. sporting a lovely new pair of boots, which Windy kindly broke in for him, by smearing them - or was she marking? He also did a little hop, skip, and a jump to demonstrate how comfortable they were - but will it last?

No hills today, and lots of box-shapes if you look at the map. Wonderful vistas as we were walking along a flat valley sort of thing, and we could see most of Box Hill, and later on, Reigate Hill too.
We started off in the opposite direction to a large group of walkers, thank goodness, and crossed the river Mole, and straight on to a bridleway. The path took us through fields of very healthy wheat and corn, and the weather, just glorious. We arrived at Betchworth Park Golf Club, and passed in front of the club house. It was ladies day today, so it was very colourful out on the greens, with the summer clothes out in force.
We started to smell a really nasty niff, and came across a fox on its back, very dead with a big black mark on his chest - oh dear. We found the railway line and crossed under it, and after a turn in the footpath, we went under it again!
Trekking along as we do, T.B. then decided to demonstrate what a prowler would do - don't ask me why, perhaps it was the heat. He was later told that he was too tall to prowl, so that's put paid to that.

Loads of stiles today, and some designed for a much bigger inside leg than ours - but we coped, and threaded the two dawgies through the narrow gaps provided. We came across a ditch full of tadpoles, and so that is good for the future frog population - or will they all be princes?

Our path went through several fields, and we had our first break under an old oak tree. The bushes were useful for our relief activities, although Clat let the side down, by giving herself a tremendous splash-back, so had to shuffle along until her (thankfully) quick-drying trousers had done the trick - should she go on the in-continence plan?

SORRY IF YOU GOT THE ABOVE BIT BEFORE THE WHOLE BLOG - THE INCONTINENCE PLAN HAS SPREAD TO THE KEYBOARD!

Our path led us past a couple of farms, with caring farmers, who had cut proper swathes in their fields for the walkers. We found ourselves going under the railway line once more, and our second stiff - a shrew, and then on to a pub called the Royal Oak , Blackbrook Road, where we were told we were lucky as they had had a power cut all morning until just before we arrived. There, we met Ziggy, a very friendly greyhound, and Minnie, full of bravado, barked her challenge, but it wasn't necessary. We had some long and cooling drinks, watched a bit of tennis, and set off once more, doing a bit of a re-route, just so we could get back to the Duke's Head in time for lunch - they stop serving at 2.30 p.m.

We followed the river Mole again, as it meandered gently through the countryside - damsel and dragonflies, so beautiful in the sunshine.
Along one track Minnie came to a halt, literally, and flopped onto the ground, refusing to move. We reckon it was the cut crops which might have been digging into her pads , and, as Farty said ' it went against the grain' ha ha ha! Once we were back on the lane, she was fine, and we headed homeward.

The pub could do better - it has so much potential, and here in Brockham, there is nowhere to have morning coffee or afternoon tea , and the place could well do with it. However, we got our orders in, and sat outside. The service could have been better, and they had run out of prawns, which affected two of our orders.
The scores are: Food - 4, Value - 4, Amb. - 2, Service - 2 total of 14.

(This is a view of the Dukes Head with their stunning hanging baskets spotted by farty on the way home)

We are meeting again next Tuesday 29th - venue to be announced, but we are hoping Sally can meet us for lunch, so it might be round her neck of the woods - we shall keep you posted.

Staplefield, the Jolly Tanners

The Sheffield Park Three strike again - at Staplefield and Nymans!
Venue: The Jolly Tanners Staplefield (www.jollytanners.com)

Walkers: The Sheffield Park Three! as we are now known - Farty, Token Bloke and Mrs Provincial

Distance: 10.46 k, 6 1/2 miles

Time taken: 2hrs 45 min

Weather: Cloudy skies, threatening to rain. Coolish but good for walking. A typical midsummer's day!

Find of the Walk: Pair of children's England football sunglasses as modeled by Mrs P

This was a new venue for us, chosen for its proximity to Nymans Gardens www.nationaltrust.org.uk/main/w-nymansgarden2 , and a great choice it proved to be. We didn't get off to the best of starts as poor Farty and TB fell foul of a coach fire on the M23 so it took them nearly and hour and a half to get there - however, Mrs P used the time to check out parking at the pub (no problem, very welcoming and helpful).

We set off up a track from the village green and soon took the first of a couple of detours trying to find our way across/out of a field - which we soon did. We reckon some of these paths are not used very often, although did come across a lovely youngish black lab taking his owner for a walkies! TB also took a shot on his smart shiny new camera of the glamour element of the SP3 - hopfully we didn't break his new lense!

There are some beautiful house in this area (see later in blog), and it's definitely horsey country. We were greeted in one paddock by a very smiley small furry doggie! and then shortly afterwards came across some chickens and a very smart caravan/house. Much ooing and ahhing over the chix and a very fine rooster and more debate as to whether or not Farty and TB will be getting some themselves.
 The chix were in a field below the most magnificent and imposing house, marked on the map as Dittons Place School. It was far too grand to possibly be the local comprehensive! However, we then met a very nice young laydee who was with her 3 young kids who were zooming up and down the drive on their scooter and she told us that although Dittons Place had indeed once been a school, it had recently been converted into private apartments. They are obviously very smart and expensive but what a beautiful spot!

The walk was lovely and varied, fields, woods, streams and views and quite undulating - whilst crossing one field we were lucky enough to see a hare bounding off in the distance. Eagle eyed horticulturist Farty spied an orchid in one of the woods which with the help of Mrs P's arorak's guide to plants and birds was identified as a spotted orchid, Dactylorhiza fuchsii.

Another slight detour around/across a field, found our way back on track and then came across some more stunning houses - The White House, not very aptly named as it was anything but white! Beautiful old timbered house with stunning gardens that we managed to get a glimpse of over a wall and gate. The next stunner (well, we presume it was, as it is impossible to see from any angle!) was Old Hall at Staplefield. It has the most imposing entrance gates and it appeared as if they had recently planted a hedge right around the roadside boundary of the property - it was properly irrigated as well. Being nosey, we decided to take yet another detour to try to get a view of the house - but to no avail. Apparently it belongs to Maurice Saatchi, now Baron Saatchi of Staplefield which just goes to show that it DOES pay to advertise! Goodness knows how much the house is worth, but to give you an idea, he also has a pad in Mayfair, a house in the South of France and was 366 on The Sunday Times Rich List with a fortune of approximately 220m from advertising and art collections. So, just a little cottage in the country then!

Back then to the pub a tad later than planned - it was football night and the pub was busy but we reckon it is very popular with locals and we found everyone very friendly and welcoming. We explained we needed to eat quickly as we were then heading on to Nymans and sure enough, the yummy food arrived very quickly. Lovely nosh, superb service, top marks all round.

Scores on the doors: Ambiance 4, Food 5, Service 5, Value 4 making a high 18. Could it be that the knitted rosette is heading their way?

So, out of the pub and into rain! But not to be deterred, the intrepid 3 headed off to Nymans which was open for the NGS yellow book for the evening. We were met by a committee of volunteers, all looking somewhat down in the dumps as they had only had 21 visitors so far - blaming not just the weather but also the footie. The plus side of course was that we basically had the gardens to ourselves - no one else being daft enough to wander round on a cool summer's evening in the rain! However, it really was worth it as even with the inclement weather the gardens are just lovely and the rose garden was a treat - all in full bloom and smelling gorgeous. We did feel sorry for the volunteers who no doubt had such high hopes for a successful evening. There is another NGS open evening on Friday 30 July, so could be worth a revisit it is good value at £4 entry. We definitely reckon the area is great for walking and a good meeting point as probably not too far for any of the gang.

So, there you have it! Hope to see you all on Tuesday!

Importance of Walking!!

Walking can add minutes to your life.
  This enables you at 85 years old to spend
  an additional 5 months in a nursing home
  at $7000 per month.

  My grandpa started walking
   five miles a day when he was 60.
   Now he's 97 years old and we
    don't know where the hell he is. 
  
 I like long walks,
   especially when they are taken
   by people who annoy me. 
  
 The only reason I would take up walking
   is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

  I have to walk early in the morning,
   before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
   
 I joined a health club last year ...
   spent about 400 bucks.
   Haven't lost a pound.
   Apparently you have to go there.. 
  
 Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
  I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
 
 I do have flabby thighs,
   but fortunately my stomach covers them.

  The advantage of exercising every day
   is so when you die, they'll say,
   ....'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
 
 If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.
  
 I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years,.......
  ...... just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,
  because there's a lot more information in our heads. 
 That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
  
 ..... and  

   Every time I start thinking too much about how I look,
   I just find a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave,
   I look just fine. 

  You could run this over to your friends.........
   But just e-mail it to them!

Langshott, The Farmhouse

Neanderthal Surrey-alism

Tuesday: 15th June

Venue: The Farmhouse pub - Langshott, Horley

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy, Mrs Provincial, Registrarah, 10 Legs, and Clat - the 2 other legs were assisting with a hospital appt,., and Sally sent her apologies - and we send our sympathies xxxxxxx

Find of the walk: - two today! - a reflector bush, and a bit of pump action.

Distance: 8 miles - well done

Weather: cloudy, sunny, windy, very hay-fevery, warm, chilly - only this country can pack in so much to a day.

 new walk for all of us, so it is quite understandable that we took the wrong route at times, and, again, lack of signage, made our journey more difficult.

Hey ho, we were soon crossing the Burstow river - very pretty, only to see it again and again, which we knew was incorrect. N.B. to the O.S. map compilers - please do not put the dotted pathway route right on top of the flippin' river route - honestly, you just can't get the staff, can you? So, when we got to the fragrant (ha ha), sewage works, we knew we had to re-configure. This we successfully accomplished in the nearby bushes, and had a break.


Our re-organised journey then led us to Peeks Brook Lane, where we were waylaid by Peter the pot-bellied pit-bull, who asked us if we were lost? No we were not, but we then had a verbal about the problems for farmers, with walkers, and footpaths. If it were up to him, all footpaths across his land would be closed - I don't think so, sunshine. All of his 'statements' were prefaced by 'now don't be offended by what I'm about to say'........... -if this goes on much longer you might be offended by what we are about to say.


Moving swiftly on, we headed towards the edge of the M23 and an under-used track which purported (that's a good word), to be the Sussex Border path. We encountered a couple of men dressed in sailing gear (we were by the airport, for heaven's sake), and moved on past a very badly fenced field, with what looked like very badly cared- for mare and two foals. We all commented that there was a definite atmosphere about this area, and felt quite uncomfortable - almost as if we had stepped into another (not very nice) world. Pallettes, pit-bulls, rottweilers abound, plus empty dirty houses, and lots of dumped cars - not many people around, and those we did meet were unfriendly. We asked one walker 'are we on the right course'? 'yes, it's obvious' was the reply as he stalked off - no it wasn't cos we got lost again. He also yelled out 'deer' - so loudly that of course we missed it.


We then encountered the 'sailors' once more, who had changed their clothes - what the dickens is going on round here?We were now by the site of Thunderfield Castle (being lost again), but wecompleted a loop and ended up doing a bit of a re-tread. We found Ladbroke Lane again, and made our way back to the pub.

The staff here were very friendly and helpful - they weren't very busy either. The football was on the wide-screen, and we sat outside in the garden, with beautiful hanging baskets, and healthy roses in the borders.

The landlord confirmed our suspicions about our walking area - 'they have 6 toes, rabid dogs, and banjos in the porch' - says it all really. He then went on to tell us about the un-savoury types living in the area, the ones he has to kick out, and the drugs intolerance - sort of sold it to us, then.!

However, this pub does have history - Wallace Simpson links, and a ghost, but you can find out more on its website http://www.thefarmhousepub.co.uk/

Lunch was fine - and the marks are as follows: Food -4, Service - 4, Amb - 3, Value - 4 . which went up to a 5 'cos we all got a free pen. = 16 points

Next meeting: Friday 18th June - Nymans Gardens -http://www.nationaltrust.org/ however, details from Mon if you are going, 'cos I am not.

Next Tuesday - 22 June: Meet at Brockham Green - two pubs to choose from so we can decide later on.

next week's events

Hello everyone!

Farty and I have been having meaningful dialogue re next week, and we've come up with the following:

Next walk: Tuesday 15 June -venue The Farmhouse pub, Horley, which is in Ladbroke Rd., the one where the Langshott Manor is. Farty has checked that dogs are welcome, and they serve food all day, so our needs are met. Let me know if you are coming.

ALSO; FRIDAY 18TH JUNE. The visit to Nymans Gardens with a walk beforehand, so meeting time is 2.30 p.m. It's just that this particular date the gardens are open from 5.30 until 9.30 p.m. which could be rather magical. You can take a picnic or buy from the 'refreshment buggy'. we shall discuss further on Tuesday.

So there you have it - enjoy your weekends. xxxxx

No Walk Today

Tuesday 8th June:
Venue: 0
Walkers:0
Find of the non-walk:0
Weather: yuk

No blog, so I shall bore you instead. In any event, Mrs P wasn;t coming today , due to a date with Jonbonjonbonjonbonbonjonbonjovi - ' i will love you - always' etc. hope it is/was brilliant., Chris - we hope your back gets better and better.

However, to cheer you up on this miserable day, here are, apparently, the ten things to make you happy.

1. take a reality check - look at your positives
2. cherish friends and family
3. show affection
4. be kind, often
5. have a laugh
6. look after yourself
7. be grateful
8. spend time with nature
9. slow down and learn to relax
10. forgive

well, i reckon we pretty much cover all of that.

right, on to other things. we want to visit nymans gardens? well, it is only open wed - sun, so obviously the tues. will not suit. i reckon next wed could be a go-er, and Mrs P could possibly change days - what think you ,everyone?

hope you can all make it and lots of numbers 2 and 3 xxxxxx

Leigh, The Plough

Our Fashionistas

Soggy doggies and slippery stiles

Venue: Leigh - 3, I believe!

Walkers: 10 Legs (Fashionistas), Farty, TB, Clatters, Registrara and Mrs P. Apologies for absence from Ms Nohills (taking sis back up to London), poor Chris who has put her back out again - GET WELL SOON! - and Sally who amongst all her other problems now has a painful tooth. Also GET WELL SOON!

Distance: 10k / 6.21 miles

Time Taken: 2.50

Weather: WET!

Find of the walk: A dead crow

We met in the lane by one of our favourite pubs, the Plough. As we congregated, we all ended up in Clatters' car sheltering from the rain, but soon decided that as we were wearing our wet weather gear to give it a go, reasoning that we could always cut it short if the rain became heavier. Our 10 legs Fashionista hadn't failed to impress! The doggies were sporting their coats (Minnie's somewhat straining at the seams now - oh dear, who ate all the pies?!) and Sue looked quite the sartorial part in her long coat and snazzy hat. Farty and Registrara were Ladies in Lavender, the remaining three dressed for dryness rather than to impress! Much hilarity over Farty's cutting from the Metro for Clatters regarding knitting tits . . . don't ask!

So off we set - the rain actually was just very heavy drizzle and fortunately as the ground is so dry at the moment, it wasn't at all muddy underfoot. It's a lovely walk with fields, woods, streams and rivers (the River Mole) and views of the North Downs - well, through the misty rain. Quite a number of stiles, and most very slippery when wet! The first comfort stop was in a beautiful wood which apparently floods in the winter - well, Clatters, and later Farty and Mrs P nearly flooded it themselves instead!

We passed through fields of wheat and barley - one of them had a very narrow path across so we all got our legs soaked but the next one had a lovely wide path - thank you Mr Farmer for doing your job properly! We stopped for break on a small green outside a beautiful house/mansion. We then came across a fledgling crow? rook? oh, a crook! (Minus his swag bag and stripey sweater . . .) and after initially being concerned he might have been injured realised that he was fine, just all on his ownsome. Hopefully Mum came back to find him! Not long afterwards we suddenly found oursleves being dive bombed by swallows - think they probably were nesting nearby and didn't like the soggy doggies being around. Who could find them a threat?! Heard and caught a glimpse of a green woodpecker and unfortunately then found the Find of the Walk - a dead crow. Poor thing.

As you can see from the above, we also came across a field of what we presume to be alpacas - very sweet and they just stood there, munching and watching us. It looked like they had been recently shorn - their coats resembled a cord carpet!

Farty and MrsP then turned plant detectives, checking out the contents of a hedgerow in Mrs P's bargain buy book from the tip!

We reckon that the plant that looks like a lacecap hydrangea is the Guelder Rose, Viburnum opulus, and the other one is the Wayfaring tree, Viburnum lantana. We also came across this beautiful horse chestnut tree, a lovely sight.

We passed an enormous house under construction that we reckon had to be a WAG's pad - quite tasteless and totally out of place in the lovely countryside. But it had stunning views to the Downs - jealous? no not us! Just proves that all the money in the world can't buy you good taste . . .

We retraced some of our route to get back to the pub in time for a well earned lunch - fortunately the rain had stopped for the last hour or so of the walk so we were all reasonably dry. Despite the pub being doggy friendly, our fashionista decided not to stay as the soggies were getting cold - Minnie once again looked very fetching in her pink towel! Poor Registrara had to bolt her food so she could make her hairdressing appointment.

Scores on the doors for the Plough: Service 5, Food 4, Ambiance 4 (TB particularly approved of the Sun newspaper provided and was soon engrossed in Page 3), Value 4, making a total of 17 which means that it's the same as last time we visited..probably one of our favourite pubs. We also decided that at the end of the year we would give an award to the winning put - rosettes to be knitted by Clatters! That is, when she's finished knitting her tits . . . . !

We realised that we hadn't scored the pub at Nuthurst last week, so for your info here goes: Service 1 (massively long wait for food) Food 4, Ambiance 3, Value 3, a total of 11.

Walk next week TBA - apologies already for absence received by Mrs P who has a VERY hot date with Jon Bon Jovi - sorry girlies and TB, some things just have to take precedence! If you don't see me again, you know that he has whisked me off (well, a girl can dream) and Alan and this life of mine will be just history!