Leigh - The Plough

Tuesday 24 July

Walkers:  4 Legs, Windy, Clat and Lil. 

Now I expect you are wondering what happened to Farty and T.B.? Well, due to an incident in the hen-run the night before, with a trip to A and E added on, we discovered that Farty has dis-located her shoulder.  Of course, the accident has been blamed on T.B., 'who should have filled in the hole', and also her beloved Crocs, which are now consigned to EBay.  The injury was extremely painful, and after a wrong initial diagnosis (broken humerus - not very funny, ha ha), her shoulder was manipulated ,accompanied by screams and the biting of nurses, then finally extreme morphine, and the shoulder was back in place.  Steve Carter our Vitinry, was in attendance, and got her home safely, having remembered to cancel the take-away curry in the process.  We 'phoned her en-route, and the latest update is rest, relaxation, and physio in a few weeks' time.  Get Well Soon xxxxx

Right then, on to Minnie.  Her back issues haven't gone away yet, and she seems to have the doggie equivalent of a slipped-disc.  We are hoping that laser treatment and rest will sort her out too - perhaps the two should re-cuperate together, but I don't think that will go down too well with Farty's pussies.  Another Get Well for her, too.

Distance: 7 miles

Find: it was hot

We assembled early, and were off and away by 10.35 - excellent.  We thought it best to keep moving -(this is a well-known route for us), and to get back to the pub a.s.a.p for refreshment.  Our route can easily be found on previous blogs, but patches of grassland were very wet and boggy, plus a few cows were thrown in for good measure, so you can guess how that affected some of us.   Not many folk about and we were suitably creamed and hatted, although Chris was going strapless to even-up her suntan and to appear naked in the group photos.

Several lycra-clad cyclists were sighted and commented-on - practicing for the upcoming Olympics which will feature in our area very soon. - nice tight shorts too.

No pub stop at The Dolphin - we were on a mission.  The development at Wonham Mill is coming along, and some of the fields appeared to be growing marijuana but think it was hemp instead - we were not high- as- kites after walking through it, so it must have been the latter.  Yes , this was a bit like a scene from Tenko in parts, but we made it back to the pub and were in it by 1330 - a record!!

However, we were dis-appointed to find that the pub has had a re-furb, and in our opinion, not an improvement either.  The place has had its guts ripped out, thus removing all its character.  In its place, are sterile wooden floors and wall pannelling, a pretend fireplace with gas heater.  The loo area has been converted into a darts hall, and the 'easing' facilities have been shoved at the back.  A cold stone floor, a loo that doesn't flush properly, and a ridiculous tap in the shape of a stick, which you cannot turn off properly ,thus flooding the sink unit and the floor.  These modern gizmos have their place (but not in my opinion), and the good old-style knobbly taps work, last a lot longer, and easier to use - I rest my case..........

So, we now have zilch atmosphere, and even our usual locals were not there, but an interesting female of a certain type entered the premises, with her 80" heels on, drank champagne, and gave us certain looks.  We were not phased, and ate our lunch which was the usual good standard. An ode was composed for our dis-located friend and here it is.  The first line will give you a clue as to its tune.

Oh dear what can the matter be?

Farty fell down

On her anatomy

She ended up

In hospital casualty

God! did they know she was there

They pushed and they pulled

As they played with her clavicle

But then when she swore

They became much more radical

The morphine kicked in

And things became magical

Good job Steve Carter was there

So now she is home

With her bits re-located

Drinking plenty of wine

She'll soon be placated

Then back to the walks

And the place she vacated

We hope that you'll soon be back there

Right then - fab, wasn't it?  Next week, bearing in mind that the lavender is ready, and that the location is close to Mis Dis-locate, then we shall meet at Oaks Park.   Bye for now, and watch where you walk!!