Walton Heath or Tadworth, Dukes Head

If I had a hammer - oh!  I do!
Tuesday 11 May :

Venue: Duke's Head, Walton Heath or Tadworth as Mon says! Walton Mk 2

Walkers: Farty, T. (Show us your gusset)B. Windy, Clat. No 12 legs, and Mrs P is celebrating - happy wedding anniversary!

Distance: 7 3/4 miles

Find of the Walk: a nearly-new club hammer

It was very chilly today - whatever happened to the summer? again.
T.B. was therefore very keen to show us his papal purple long johns. His offer of a viewing was overwhelmingly rejected, and we made do with a glimpse of lower leg area instead.

We set off over the Heath and very soon found ourselves at a confusing (which way next?) sign. Thanks to T.B's compass we found South - our route. We noticed signs which read 'permissive rides' - is this some kinda kinky sex thing? Sadly not, just a route for the hawses - (they speak like that, round here). Farty went a bit aboriginal, and pointed out some burrowing bees with her stick.

From there, we picked up a familiar track, and found ourselves crossing two fairways on the golf course. We were condescendingly waved on by one player (dreadful bunker shot), and soon met two lovely shire horses being ridden in the opposite direction. Having safely escaped being 'balled' we did a tight turn and ventured down, and over the M25 which was INCREDIBLY LOUD today. Then, suddenly, we were plunged into beautiful, pungent bluebell woods - absolutely glorious. Such a dark blue/purple, with the odd white one here and there - so worth the walk just to see this sight. We left the woods and emerged to find a glorious vista with a bit of rape, before encountering more bluebells.

Up along a track and across a road to some fields with very friendly horses, and head of the herd was Colonel Carthorse, complete with magnificent moustache, which could have done with a bit of a waxing - how spiffing. We then encountered a newly-established, free-range chicken farm. Hundreds of non-descript brown and white things, rushing around, securely fenced -in with electrics to stop the foxes. We were so engrossed in this sight, that we missed our turning, and ended up in a 'trespassers will be prosecuted area'. The only way out was through a barbed-wire fence, which was a feat of limbo-dancing at its best. However, T.B., being tall of stature, had to resort to crawling through on his hands and feet - just like a scene from the Great Escape - but we did not get fired at, and T.B's purple papals were intact.

Our walk then took us through some urban areas - how surreal then to find a pair of dining crocodiles. Farty then spied a tiny butchers shop Ye Village Butcher where calves liver was on offer - she shot in. We followed and found her also purchasing some pork belly - scratched. The younger butcher then told us he was having pork belly this evening - 'what do you have yours with? ' asked an innocent Farty. 'Sex' was the reply from the older butcher, with glasses the size of aquariums, who thought it was hilarious. Their website is 'eatmymeat.co.uk' ------- mmmmmmmmm says it all really.

Oh well, back on track, and soon we were on the last part of the walk, which picked up the golf course once more. We arrived at the pub, to a very warm welcome from the blonde and buxom Landlady, who went to the top of T.B's tree 'cos she called him 'young man ' - and the rest of us fell about!

The food was great today - Landlady most dis-appointed she hadn't got full marks the last time. Wind's turn to do the ham,egg and chips test, and it was massive and tasty. Farty and Clat tried the venison sausages - good, and T.B. went fish and chips. We didn't stay long enough to score, so I think this might be o.k.?

Ambience - 4, Service - 5, Value - 4, Food - 4 - so they are doing very well.

Meeting point for next week: Tuesday 18th May, 10.30. Borde Hill (OS map # 135, 323265 ) We are hoping to walk Balcombe viaduct in the morning & do Borde Hill in the afternoon after lunch at Cafe Elvira  Excellent.