Tandridge - Barley Mow

Tues 24 April.

Whoops,there go my trousers!

 Walkers: Eight legs,Farty,TB,Wind.

 Trish in South Africa,and Lil and Clat sorting out their Dad's eye problem.  Hope all went well.

 Distance: Nearly six miles.

 Find of the week: Huge snail.

 

We gathered in the Barley Mow car park with drizzle descending,making us reluctant to leave our cars,and leading to loud conversations through open car windows.  We finally got going,turning left out of the pub,along the road a bit,then turning right onto fields.  I hope I'm right in saying that this was one of our regular walks in reverse.

Due to the weather,Sue was wearing posh wellies,which were very natty in a nazi stormtrooper sort of way (sorry Sue,it was all the goosestepping!),and TB was sporting waterproof trousers which sounded like bags of boiled sweets as he walked.  They had a tendency to fall down as they were a bit too long from waist to gusset,and required quite a bit of adjustment in the crutch area.  The same area was getting hot due to the sauna effect of the trousers.  Our offer to punch in a few air holes was declined.

It was quite muddy after all the rain we've had since the hosepipe ban was introduced,but the countryside looked lovely,and there were plenty of bluebells,which pleased TB(!) and Wind.  We saw a horse who looked like he'd had a perm,and a pig at Godstone Farm with bouffant ears.  They must use the same salon.  There were lots of signs at Godstone Farm along the lines of "now wash your hands please",which reminded us of Bronco and Izal loo paper.  We wondered how we managed using what really was greaseproof paper!

We came across a huge white snail which Mon put on a rock for a photo.  He was a bit shy at first,but eventually his antennae emerged and he gave us a wave.  Mon had picked some wild garlic,and TB said if only we had some butter and a frying pan.....There's always one! He was beginning to think about lunch.  We posed for a group photo at Garston Park, which was the venue for our original blog photo a few years ago,and marvelled at how little we'd changed.  Should have gone to specsavers? We were on the final leg of the walk and got back to the pub where the food and service was good.  Over coffee,talk turned to hysterectomies,(Iforget why),and Mon told us her fibroid was the size of,not a grapefruit,but a cauliflower!  The conversation went downhill after that with talk of giving birth to it,cheese sauce etc.  This was all too much for TB who suggested we get the bill,and after a flash of Mon's new mauve bra,we were off.  You couldn't take us anywhere.

What is this? Answers on a postcard, please!

Next week is Sandra's "significant" birthday!  Details TBA.

Walton on the Hill - The Duke's Head

Tuesday 10 April

T.B.sB.B.W (which translates as Token Bloke's Birthday Boy Walk)

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 6 Legs, Clat.

Trish is visiting Dad in Beatles country, Chris -appts., Wendy's Mum has had a bit of a turn and is awaiting doc's attention, (we wish her well), and Lil is returning from the seaside. However, Sally was able to join us for lunch.

Distance: 7 miles

Find of the Walk: 0

A depleted but not deflated collection of us for today's birthday outing. After some pretty awful wet weather, the sun shone brightly, gentle breezes abounded, and the promise of rain didn't occur until we were in the pub - perfect then.

We decided to cobble our walk together as we went along, and aimed for Epsom Downs and a coffee stop (yippeeeeee). Farty and T.B. were serenaded for much of the way with extracts from Phantom of the Opera which had been on Channel 5 the day before, and what a wonderful production it was - The Albert Hall no less. So, in between some fabulous (! Ed) renditioning on Sue and Clat's part, we managed to scare most of the wildlife on the way. Even poor Minnie wasn't enjoying the vocalising either. We even had a request - 'please stop'. The inuendos then started with Clat quoting from the Channel 5 showing of back-to-back Carry On Films ' let me punch your ticket madam' , and 'let me inspect your port hole' etc. etc. - so you see she didn't get out much last weekend - but you should see her hall , stairs and landing - ha ha ha ha ha.

Well we broke cover from some woods and spied The Rubbing House pub for our intended coffee. We noted the original Epsom Grandstand circa 1879, a very small building in comparison to the others, and is now a listed building. Sue informed us that she has had tea in there with the trainers and other members of the racing scene - the things you find out.

A sheltered spot outside the pub had us parked up for a while, and delicious coffee was served. T.B. got out his new toy - a birthday present for himself - an i pad, and proceeded to demonstrate some of its 'apps'. so we looked at a constellation of stars and other things before wending our way.

Southwards, over Langley Vale, and towards the outskirts of Headley. We motored along quite nicely and eventually got onto Walton Heath, Banstead Heath, and our return to the pub at 2. Beautifully timed we were, to intercept Sally and our lunch. Wendy, the lovely landlady, came over for a chat, and took our orders. The dregs of a beer festival were evident, and she was using these to feed her plants - so, Sherlock, this is the secret of her magnificent blooms.

Food was fab - it always is, and the service excellent. Some of us even had a pudding, and after another cawwffeeee, we had a quiz. Sally answered most of the questions with 'Rick Astley', and we learnt that a nubile woman means 'marriageable'.

We don't know where we shall be next week but you will be warned in due course. For the time being enjoy yourselves and get your butts filled xxxx

West Hoathly - Vinols Cross

Tuesday 3 April

Held to Ramson

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 8 Legs, Windy, Mrs P., Lil and Clat

Distance: 7 1/2 miles

Find of the Walk: another gloved tree

A little stress started off the day - traffic problems for the northern division of our group, which resulted in a late departure. The Easter hols seem to make our journeys longer , but all things considered, this lateness is a rare occurrence (touch wood).

Lovely sunny day - clouds in the distance - and we were off. The first stop was at our intended pub. The rather vague but friendly staff member told us that she thought lunch finished at 2. , or maybe 2.30, or even 3 pm. - but they didn't close so we had half a chance then. We carried on towards Sharpthorne, and missed our turning, which was cleverly blended into the surrounds of a Costcutter, and even then, we were immediately met with a dead-end and sign which told us there was a dangerous dog in the field - charming. Finally, we found the Sussex Border path, and it was pretty much straightforward from then on.

Frequent tooting sounds in the distance told us the Bluebell Railway was up and running today, and we did a bit of that to get to a view point on a bridge. The train arrived looking resplendent in its livery, and an exchange of waving was made. Mrs P produced some very professional cakes, topped with almonds, and delicious they were too. Heading southwards, we encountered many hills and dales which continued throughout the walk. Some lovely views were encountered, and flora-wise , primroses, daffodils, bluebells, wood anenomes or is it anemones?, rhododendrons, skunk cabbage, and a tree which looked as if it had draped itself over a rock.

On our down bits we found large crops of garlic leaves, and much picking was performed. Several farms, and then a bit of a scare for some of us , as, in one field we suddenly heard the sound of thudding hooves (thousands of them), and not wanting to be caught up in the Grand National, we headed for the bushes - phew. However, it seems these equine racers were making for a stallion in a field nearby, and were soon enraptured by his bragging and braying - fickle fillies methinks. Later on though, we found some rather gentler hosses, who had had their fur clipped into the shape of hearts - My Little Pony does Sussex then?

We recovered, we continued, and we finished the walk. De-booted, de- socked, primped and sprayed , we entered the pub - lunch was still on. Not a huge menu but we were served with good food. Much cracking of eggs as 4 of us ordered omelettes, and T.B. , two frieds on his ham. The rest was pronounced fine. Staff friendly and attentive. Lots of dogs knocking around including a pair of pomeranians, or apples to some of us (the male could be a cox's pippin, and the female, a golden delicious. ) Time to go home, and straight into a sleet storm - the wonders of our country. And if you are 'wondering 'about next week - it's T.B's birthday, so we shall be at the Duke's Head, Walton on the Heath - he likes the landlady, and so do we. Ta Ta

Slaugham, The Chequers

Amavimus, Amamus, Amabimus.  Ooer!

Tues 27th March

Walkers: Eight legs, Farty, Token Bloke, Windy.

Weather: Gorgeous

Distance: 6 1/2 miles ish

Time taken: 3 hours ish, included a coffee break.

Find of walk: glove on a signpost

 Windy suggested this venue as she had noticed it when to-ing and fro-ing recently en route,or not,as it turned out to Ashfold Crossways.  It looked like our sort of place, all olde worlde charm, and as Chris said, it had a Midsomer Murder/Miss Marple feel about it.  Windy had got quite carried away and had printed off a walk and some fascinating facts about Slaugham, pronounced "Slaffam" and proceeded to bore everyone to death anorack style (2 pairs of glasses were necessary to read the blurb). She soon regretted this as it resulted in several hints that she should write the blog! 

The suggested walk was no good as it was only 4 1/2 miles, and even TB and Windy had to admit this was too short(?!).  Mon had kindly mapped out something more suitable.  As advised, we parked tidily in the church (13th century) car park and set off in a direction.  I couldn't tell you which one. Chris and TB were both wearing combat trousers and were soon only visible from the waist up.  We walked through the church lychgate which has the above inscription, meaning, we have loved, we do love, we shall love.  Aaaah!  We soon reached the large mill pond, which is the major headwater of the River Ouse, which flows out to sea at Newhaven, incase you didn't know.  ( I am copying this from the blurb if you're wondering!)

We wandered through undulating fields, over streams, had a nose at large gorgeous houses, including Slaugham Manor ( police training centre, yeah right, looked good for a jolly!), Slaugham Place, venue for weddings etc. and Lydhurst Place, a huge estate which seemed to have it's own moat and bridge (well ok, small stream).  Googled it, but couldn't find out anything, so it must be owned by an east european. Windy found it impossible not to try this stile.

We oohed and aahed at daffs and other spring flowers, and fab magnolias, and chickens were spotted too, so all was well with the world!  Minnie had an extra spring in her step too, as once off the lead she raced back and forth.  A slight wrong turn was taken, I believe on the Landscape Trail ( I could be wrong!).  No matter though, as we were soon in Warninglid (originally called Werna Gelad, meaning Werna's Path. Yawn), and popped into the Half Moon for a coffee.  We could get used to these coffee stops!.  We met a lovely husky type dog in the pub garden, which was an Alaskan something breed.  He was only 15 weeks old, and already huge.  Minnie had a bit of a bark just to let him know who was boss!

At this point I believe we'd done about 6 miles and were not far from our destination, so a shorter walk than usual, which disappointed TB and Wend.  Thoughts turned to lunch, as they often do.  We knew pollack was on the menu, and Mon wondered if they had bollocks too.  We wondered how best to cook them.  Mon thought sliced, dusted in seasoned flour and lightly fried.  Eat your heart out Delia!  Anyway, we thought we couldn't eat a whole one!

We got back to St. Mary's and had a look round the graveyard and church, and talk turned to death, as you do, and it seems the other night Martin thought Mon was dead, as her arm was freezing cold.  We suggested he should have checked her core temperature.  This caused much hilarity and talk of thermometers and dipsticks, and where to put them.  Honestly, how old are we?!

The food at The Chequers turned out to be good, if rather expensive.  The constant Stephan Grappelli music eventually became irritating, especially the up-tempo numbers, which had the effect of making you eat faster, if that's possible with us lot!  Maybe that was the intention.

After lunch we had another stroll towards Handcross, pausing at a field of chocolate coloured cows with two sweet calfs (calves?), quite new by the look of them.  Suddenly the mother cow's sides started heaving and we thought we were about to witness another birth, but the heaving stopped and she carried on eating grass, but as we said, some fat cows do continue eating while giving birth, but they mainly live in Croydon.  Controversial!  We carried on a bit further and then turned back, stopping to stroke a couple of horses, looking all noble with lips quivering.(the horses).

As we walked back through the village, Windy insisted on referring to the blurb again (OMG, enough already!), pointing out the white telephone box painted in the 1920s, the Lord of the manor insisted, an Edward V11 post box, very rare apparently, I think he was the fat bloke who had all the mistresses, so perhaps he didn't last long, Foyles, once the village workhouse, and Bosworths, an early timber framed building with a Horsham stone roof. Phew!

We got back to our tidily parked cars, and everyone was keen to get going in case Wind had some more fascinating facts to impart.  We took a moment to admire a beautifully clipped hedge in the shape of clouds, with a lovely magnolia behind it.  Wot a picture!  As we were about to get in our cars, a couple turned up with a lovely silky haired dog with matchstick legs.  Is he a real dog? asked Chris.  The dog looked offended.  Turns out she was a Bedlington Whippet cross who had been for a paddle, hence the skinny legs!  The couple had lots of top tips for walks and pubs in the area, and Mon took notes.  We maybe back!

Thanks for guiding us Mon.  Next week we're meeting at Vinols Cross pub, West Hoathly. It used to be The Intrepid Fox, but was Vinols originally. Mon misheard mine host and thought he said Vinyls.  She wondered if they did a nice line in lino!  See you soon. XXX

Newick, East Sussex, The Bull

Maintain Direction at all times ladies! - The Bull, Newick, East Sussex

Walkers: 8 legs, the soon-to-be Mrs John Randall (more later....) & Mrs P

Weather: Perfect walking weather, dry, cloudy and neither too warm or cold

Distance: 6 miles

Time taken: 3 hours to include a few diversions en route ....

Find of the walk: nothing to report I'm afraid - in this part of East Sussex people seem less inclined to part with items of underwear!

As the more northerly members of the RARAS were unavailable for walking duties this week, us more southerly/provincial members convened in Newick - and started at 10 am instead as none of us had a long journey.

We set off just a tad late as 8 legs had been held up by pesky road works and heavy traffic on the A22. Down the lane and into Newick church which was picture-book pretty but unfortunately appeared locked so we couldn't have a nose inside. Picture: were we lost already?! Classic churchyard with yews and views - oh dear, I'm a poet but I don't know it!! Groan -sorry about that, just trying to keep up Clat's high standards and failing miserably! We exited the churchyard by a stone stile and the first of a few 'squeeze' stiles. Chris who was leading the walk (which she had found in a local mag) pointed out that the narrative of the walk mentioned 'beware frisky cattle!' Oh dear - however the frisky bovines were nowhere to be seen so we carried on, following the well written instructions and the good signage. Lovely walking, gorgeous views back towards Newick church and village, well kept woodland and easy tracks through ploughed fields - thank you farmers! The directions told us to 'maintain direction towards a solitary oak tree' which we duly did - it was sitting in solitary splendour in the middle of a ploughed field.

It was all going far too well - we then came across our first hurdle: large signs telling us that the footpath ahead was closed - big warning notices of danger as National Grid were working on the overhead power lines. With no alternative route to follow we made the decision to carry on regardless and maintain direction (very British!) and when we came to the power lines, surprise surprise, no workmen to be seen - once again very British!

We came out onto the lane in the hamlet of Sharpsbridge and then crossed the river Ouse - at the side of the road was a raised path known as Clapper Bridge which is for the use of pedestrians when the road floods - fortunately not needed today! We stopped briefly for yours truly, Mrs P, to have a gander at a house that we had looked at buying many years ago when it was in need of much TLC. Although it now looks lovely we have no regrets as part of the land was termed a 'water meadow' - it lies alongside the river Ouse so guess what happened during the big floods 10 years or so ago? Say no more! We then entered a field to the side of a very pretty chocolate box type house and headed on northwards towards the A272.

We crossed the busy road and took the path towards Valley Farm. The walk directions mentioned the possibility of a small farm landing strip ...... and we were not to be disappointed as on our left hand side in what first appeared to be a farm building we spied not one, but two light aircraft! Stopping in curious amazement, a chap called out from inside and invited us in for a look see! We decided to come clean and admit that we were all former hosties (hence our interest) and the gentleman looked at us in some disbelief (we made a mental note to possibly have some photos in our bags in future of us in more glamorous days!). We were soon on first name terms and also learned that the airstrip is also known locally as 'Piltdown International' as John flies regularly to Le Touquet and other such exotic destinations! Having had a jolly good nose around and a very pleasant chat, yours truly decided to ask who owned the land (presuming that he rented the hanger and landing strip) - and he modestly said that he did as he owned the surrounding farm. Well, cue for us to then do a bit of match-making - this was obviously a batchelor of some considerable means - and we decided that our very own Windy Nohills was the perfect candidate! Farmer John said that as he was heading back to his house on his bike which was parked outside (see above, we thought he would have had something a bit more suitable!) he would hope to see us as we were also going in the same direction. This man was keen! We ducked under low flying jumbos (photo) on the airstrip and were soon entering Fletching village where we saw his house - a beautiful farmhouse bang next door to the church. ( photo). That sealed it then - we reckon Mrs John Randall/Wendy and John Randall has a very aristocratic ring to it; they can get married in the church and the reception will be in the marquee in the gardens of the farmhouse! Sorted!


Having first planned to stop at the Griffin pub for a coffee, we passed the village shop with very inviting tables and chairs outside so thought it would make a better venue. We were spot on - a lovely little shop selling fresh bread (Chris duly bought some for Sue which the future Mrs R offered to carry in her backpack) and the coffees were declared to be excellent. Chris continued her matchmaking duties and before we left casually tried to find out all she could about Wendy's intended! This must have distracted her as we were half way down the lane out of the village when Chris realised she had left her precious walking stick in the shop!

Stick duly retrieved we continued with the walk and onwards towards Newick. We came across a very strange looking 3 legged style which we all crossed in a variety of ways! More fields and woods, and we then found a newly laid track (courtesy of National Grid so they could get their vehicles to the pylons) which led towards the Southern Water Treatment Works - aka the sewage farm! Fortunately no nasty pongs emanating from it and we were soon back in the village. We stopped to have a bit of banter with the recycling/refuse collectors and almost persuaded them to join us in the pub (was Spring in the air today? Must have been!). Almost at the pub, but were distracted by the village bakers - full of all sorts of bread and yummy cakes! It's a lovely traditional shop with a very large 1930's oven which is still used every day to bake the bread.

So, into the pub which was rather empty - so why did we sit at our chosen table only to find that 5 minutes later a couple came to sit right next to us (or rather Minnie)? We swiftly moved to another table and ordered our food which came very quickly. We were being copycats today as we all had fish and chips - very good they were too with homemade tartare sauce and mushy peas. As we left the pub we had a quick visit back to the bakers to buy some goodies and when we returned to the car park we spied the local bowls club - perfect for TB as it seemed to be particularly well kept with a good pub on the doorstep.

So, a really lovely walk with views, rolling countryside, the river Ouse and plenty of friendly people - super half way stop and very good pub at the end. Oh, and the possibility of a grand marriage for Miss Nohills on the horizon ..............!!
Next week TBA - unfortunately yours truly will once again be absent as will be in London for a 60th birthday reunion with my (very!) old school pals. Hope you all have a good one!

Ashfold Crossways - The Wheatsheaf

Tuesday 13th March

If I Could Talk To The Animals.........

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 8 Legs, Windy, Lil, Clat, and La Belle Jane - freshly flown in from La Belle France , so LBJ for short.

Sally joined us for lunch , with her bad back - oucccchhhh - we've all been there

She wishes it to be known that she is the odd flying hostess - not retired.

Distance: 7 1/2 miles

Find: La Belle Zero

Well this was a find - a pub in the middle of nowhere, nestled in the crossroads, and what an amazing place - more later. So obscured was it, that Windy managed to shoot past several times, and, well on her way to Mannings Heath, was getting seriously de-ranged, and so were we, cos our 'phones were too and no signal to try and get her back again. However, just as we were beginning to think she wasn't going to get to us, she did - relief all round . We commenced a little retard but theees 'appens.A lovely walk, with so much variation. Woods, fields, flat plains, hills, dales, and views.

Very soon on we reached a trickling stream with ponds full of frogs and spawn. Later we found deer, chickens, peacocks, pheasants, pigs, piglets, llamas, a parrot (in the pub), and a frolicking horse who took a shine to Mon, galloped over, and promptly dumped its load - is this a sign of affection from the equestrian side?

We wiggled about a bit, and came to Cartersledge Lane, and voyaged northwards, where we ooooo-ed and aaaaaaaa-ed over the piglets. These little crackling jobs were hurtling round, screeching ,squeaking and thoroughly enjoying themselves with their porkulent parents looking on. We discussed the Crufts dog show, and had to explain to Windy that a Pomeranian is not a type of apple - it gets worse.

Upwards now to the top of Colgate Hill (show us your teeth, Poppy) - marvellous. We turned our corner at this point and headed back through part of the Greenslade Wood. The sun came out, transforming the landscape, and items of clothing were removed. Open footpaths followed, with the most beautiful blue of a sky. Next came some hard uphill climbing, and a bit of panting - we were now well on the High Weald Landscape Trail. Several signs telling us to Beware of the Bull were fruitless I am pleased to report.

So then it was time to re-tread our earlier steps and return to the Wheatsheaf. This place is something else - an emporium of a pub, with knick-knacks, ornaments, and objects galore, and of course the parrot, who was busy roaming around outside her cage.

The service was great, the food even greater, and the prices were very acceptable. They like racing here, so we had Cheltenham blaring away in the background. Afterwards, Sue produced UNO - a card game, and Lil/Clat showed her and some others, how to play. The fundamentals were learnt and more games will be played in the future. Time for a quiz. This is where Windy de-ranged again - Bagpuss is not the son of Macbeth - see what we are dealing with here?!!

Time was pressing on - we paid the bill and left.

Next week - the walk will be decided between Windy and 8 Legs, cos Farty, T.B., Lil and Clat will be missing. Enjoy the weather - keep an eye on your hosepipes ladies.

Warnham - The Sussex Oak

Tuesday 6th March

Who Ate All the Pies?

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy, 8 legs, Lil and Clat

Distance: 7 1/2 miles

Find of the Walk: 0

Yes, we're back from the Hampshire coastline, which we (Lil and Clat) walked for 6 miles, and it was a good job the tide was out - need I say more? We found lots of things dangling from trees - dog muzzle, beautiful blue suede trainer, and many gloves attached to finger post footpath signs.

Right, now where were we? Funnily enough, even though we hadn't heard from the landlord in response to 'the' complaint letter, we convened and walked again. It was cold and damp and off we went west then south and came out at Warnham Manor. This is a converted residential place - - a 2 bed flat is for sale here at £481k, so that gives you an idea. It gives one a feeling of poshness about it, and even the geese , beautifully groomed and sleek, waddled about with their beaks in the air.

Not too muddy underfoot, but the wretched brambles have an annoying habit of lasso-ing your legs whenever they hear you coming - they got me in the garlics and down i went - new trousers too - criminal.

We eventually arrived at Slinfold - a pretty little village, full of Jane Austen-type houses and a real feeling of English country . The local is called The Red Lion which Wind preferred to pronounce in French - Je don't know porquoi either., so Leon Rouge it was then.

The signs of spring are becoming evident, bouncing blooms and clumps of snowdrops and tete a tete daffs. -keeping this French you see. We wandered through the churchyard and headed for Warnham once more. An un-eventful walk followed - Mon and Clat discovered the early garlic leaves and picked a goodly bunch - boy did we smell nice afterwards. On we travelled, and got back to the pub, in plenty of time to order and eat. Some of us popped into the butchers and got stuff, and then into the pub to order. It's pie week, so most of the group had one. They arrived , fat and juicy, and with a good selection of veg - excellent for just under £9.00. The loos have had a make-over, and all was well.

We spied the landlord in the background, and wondered if he would come over - he did. Before long, he told us we could order our food ahead of our arrival, and that's when Farty 'went in for the kill' !!!!!!!!!!!!! Done in a nice way, she explained what had happened to us the last time we walked from his hostelry, and he told us he didn't know about that. 'Didn't you get our letter?' asked Farty. Apparently he didn't and said that food could be ordered right up until 2.30 and he was sorry we had been put out. He then said coffees were on the house and apologised again. Enough said, so we are now back on track for the Sussex Oak.

Farty is very attached to her new maps, and after a great deal of rustling, opening, and folding, it was decided she was trying to nest in said object - well, it is Spring, after all. We origami-ed her back into shape, and readied for home. Next week, there is talk of going to Ashfold Crossways - new walk, new pub - how exciting! Details by text as usual. Better go now, as the broccoli soup is having an effect.........................................................