Leigh - The Plough

Tuesday 24 July

Walkers:  4 Legs, Windy, Clat and Lil. 

Now I expect you are wondering what happened to Farty and T.B.? Well, due to an incident in the hen-run the night before, with a trip to A and E added on, we discovered that Farty has dis-located her shoulder.  Of course, the accident has been blamed on T.B., 'who should have filled in the hole', and also her beloved Crocs, which are now consigned to EBay.  The injury was extremely painful, and after a wrong initial diagnosis (broken humerus - not very funny, ha ha), her shoulder was manipulated ,accompanied by screams and the biting of nurses, then finally extreme morphine, and the shoulder was back in place.  Steve Carter our Vitinry, was in attendance, and got her home safely, having remembered to cancel the take-away curry in the process.  We 'phoned her en-route, and the latest update is rest, relaxation, and physio in a few weeks' time.  Get Well Soon xxxxx

Right then, on to Minnie.  Her back issues haven't gone away yet, and she seems to have the doggie equivalent of a slipped-disc.  We are hoping that laser treatment and rest will sort her out too - perhaps the two should re-cuperate together, but I don't think that will go down too well with Farty's pussies.  Another Get Well for her, too.

Distance: 7 miles

Find: it was hot

We assembled early, and were off and away by 10.35 - excellent.  We thought it best to keep moving -(this is a well-known route for us), and to get back to the pub a.s.a.p for refreshment.  Our route can easily be found on previous blogs, but patches of grassland were very wet and boggy, plus a few cows were thrown in for good measure, so you can guess how that affected some of us.   Not many folk about and we were suitably creamed and hatted, although Chris was going strapless to even-up her suntan and to appear naked in the group photos.

Several lycra-clad cyclists were sighted and commented-on - practicing for the upcoming Olympics which will feature in our area very soon. - nice tight shorts too.

No pub stop at The Dolphin - we were on a mission.  The development at Wonham Mill is coming along, and some of the fields appeared to be growing marijuana but think it was hemp instead - we were not high- as- kites after walking through it, so it must have been the latter.  Yes , this was a bit like a scene from Tenko in parts, but we made it back to the pub and were in it by 1330 - a record!!

However, we were dis-appointed to find that the pub has had a re-furb, and in our opinion, not an improvement either.  The place has had its guts ripped out, thus removing all its character.  In its place, are sterile wooden floors and wall pannelling, a pretend fireplace with gas heater.  The loo area has been converted into a darts hall, and the 'easing' facilities have been shoved at the back.  A cold stone floor, a loo that doesn't flush properly, and a ridiculous tap in the shape of a stick, which you cannot turn off properly ,thus flooding the sink unit and the floor.  These modern gizmos have their place (but not in my opinion), and the good old-style knobbly taps work, last a lot longer, and easier to use - I rest my case..........

So, we now have zilch atmosphere, and even our usual locals were not there, but an interesting female of a certain type entered the premises, with her 80" heels on, drank champagne, and gave us certain looks.  We were not phased, and ate our lunch which was the usual good standard. An ode was composed for our dis-located friend and here it is.  The first line will give you a clue as to its tune.

Oh dear what can the matter be?

Farty fell down

On her anatomy

She ended up

In hospital casualty

God! did they know she was there

They pushed and they pulled

As they played with her clavicle

But then when she swore

They became much more radical

The morphine kicked in

And things became magical

Good job Steve Carter was there

So now she is home

With her bits re-located

Drinking plenty of wine

She'll soon be placated

Then back to the walks

And the place she vacated

We hope that you'll soon be back there

Right then - fab, wasn't it?  Next week, bearing in mind that the lavender is ready, and that the location is close to Mis Dis-locate, then we shall meet at Oaks Park.   Bye for now, and watch where you walk!!

Abinger Hammer - The Wotton Hatch

Tuesday 10th July

Show Me The Monet

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 legs - Minnie not quite up for it, yet., Clat and Lil. Windy c/o nhs

Distance: well, a bit debatable as the two pedos came up with different numbers, so we split the difference and are calling it 7 1/2 miles - ok?

Find of the Walk: rain

On arrival at rendezvous, Clat and Lil noticed Chris talking to a man in a van.  Turns out it's the Beeb, filming a series to be called Mayday, and try as she might, we just couldn't get any work as extras.  Apparently it will star Peter Firth - or fourth or fifth, as far as I'm concerned, as I haven't a clue who he is.  Anyway, much activity, and, they were shooting in a field we intended to traverse - eyes and teeth, eyes and teeth - you might get noticed.

The skies did not bode well, but our walk  was designed with that in mind, so byways, and highways had been mapped in, on sandy soil and under pine woods, but we still  encountered many a big puddle which 4 legs delighted in treading in , ever hopeful for that specific Dawn French moment.  After about an hour we found our coffee stop - the Plough at Coldharbour.  Quite an odd reception we got - the staff from up North, and although open for coffee we were told we had to wait for the machine to heat up.  Then a few locals entered, and we thought we were in a scene from League of Gentlemen - 'you're not from round here are you', came to mind, and where was Tubbs we wondered?  As Chris pointed out - a local pub for local people.  Have to say, we weren't made terrifically welcome.  The coffee was cold , the alleged ' no mint tea' miraculously turned into 'yes mint tea', no hot milk was proffered? And more locals arrived and surrounded us, complete with enooooooooooooormous dobermann in tow.  Time to leave.

The rain showers had started in Earnest  (poor man), and we travelled through woods, having to get round quite a few fallen trees. We found a man with a pair of borders, who said we were travelling in the right direction - good.   Then the Monet moment - some well-lilied ponds covered in reds and yellows and the odd swan or too - quite unexpected and quite formidable, as they say in Monet land.  Then we came to a waterfall - not quite Niagara so shall we call it Viagara? - quite lovely to see, and T.B. has made a recording of its noises.  You may need to spend a penny after viewing.

A left turn, and over the Tilling Bourne and an incredibly steep climb followed next - phew.  Our path then became rather blocked by a fat tractor and trailer.  The occupants were soon spotted, banging posts into the ground as they re-laid a fence which had been there 20 years - we were on the Wotton Estate and, passing Wotton House, we made another turn for home, and the heavens opened.  The Beeb were in the hall having lunch, and had obviously packed up - no more Mayday today then.  We scurried into the pub, and were given a very good welcome and feed - prices not too bad, either, so all in all a pretty good day.

Next week though, Farty will be director of ops as hospital appts -see what I did there?-  beckon. Sue thinks she might get trapped by an Olympic torch and will be unable to get anywhere - who knows what will happen.  You can find out next week - time for my bath  - night night. xx

Bletchingley - The Whyte Harte

Tuesday 3 July

I Feel it in my Fingers, I Feel it in my Toes - an homage to Wet Wet Wet, cos that's how we got today.  Moving on...........

Walkers:  Farty, T.B., 4 Legs, Windy, Lil and Clat - fresh back from their Majorcan vacacione which was fabulous, thank you.   Minnie not quite up to scratch yet, and anyway it was far too wet for a little under-carriage to cope with.  Trish is back 'out there' watching  IT get bigger and bigger.

Find of the Walk:  a scrubbing brush bush

Distance: 8 miles - accidental by the way!!!

Well, despite thoughts of calling today's walk off, Farty and Clat decided 'what the heck' and just got on with it.  The forecast wasn't too bad, but generally we were met with light squalls, and fluffy rain - so lots of seepage to contend with, but, it wasn't cold, and we got nice and hot-housey in our anoraks.

We set off behind the church in a Westerly direction which is a familiar route for us, and then Northwards towards the famous M25, and entered a field - high in the wheatstakes so there was quite a lot of chuff to contend with, and wet gussets (as Windy would say), to deal with afterwards, but we are valiant walkers.  Water Lane ( which is apt considering the weather), and under the motorway , out on to Mercers Park,  where we saw feathered friends swanning about - as Windy would say.  All was going well - fatal assumption to make with us lot, and we came out by the Inn on the Pond and a beautiful display of roses.  An aside - roses are flowers, but presenters seem to pronounce the word as flars, and another thing, they pronounce mayor as mare - we need a Dimbleby interjection. O.K. carry on..................................

Time for a bit of slipping, sliding, and ducking, as we turned the corner for home, and after passing through the church of St Peter and Paul (don't know what happened to Mary), we entered a field of - horses - o-oh.  We nearly made it across, then,  just as Sue and Clat were discussing Scientology - wot izzit?, when this dreadful noise started , created by a rampant steed.  Sue grabbed Clat, Clat sort of rooted, Sue said 'run', Clat said 'just keep swimming' (a quote from Finding Nemo),  and we got to the other side.  The scientology horse then galloped away, so we were safe.  We took a turn and found two ponies with a baby foal - much better, and then made our first direction error.  We found ourselves walking alongside a lake, which we knew to be wrong, but the other paths looked dejected and derelict, with broken stiles to boot - ha ha.  T.B. got a lead on and found himself next to a helicopter - from lilypad to helipad in one move.

We were stuck - we climbed over some gates, which Windy reminded us were endangering  famous g------ area having 7 bars! We ended up back at the church - time was pressing, so we roaded it all the way back to the pub.  A quick change, due to more rain, and in to the pub, to the table kindly booked by Farty.  We sat by a real log fire - yes folks, this is July.  Much better experience than last time, with polite staff, fresh flowers everywhere, clean and tidy, and good food - see, what a difference in just a few months.

Farty delighted us with a 1974 copy of Family Circle, and Lil and Clat both found their dinner service being advertised inside -  oooo Midwinter was all the rage then you know.  We re-discovered the joys of courtelle, twin sets, flowery prints and kaftans.  Time to go - next week, as Windy will be taking her mother plus brain, for an appt. we shall walk from the Wotton Hatch at Wooton.  Be there or be square as they probably said in 1974.  Ta ta.