The Victory, Staplefield

Peed off and teed off.

 Tuesday 26th June

Walkers: Sue, Chris, Farty, TB, Wind.

(no Minnie due to back trouble,but she's been lazered!  So we hope to see her soon)

Distance: 7 miles

We assembled at the Victory pub car park,and after a natter set off..  If you want directions,I'm not your girl.  The weather was warm with some cloud.  Perfect for walking.  Soon after we got going,we came across a field of mange tout.  Mon's eyes lit up.  If only we'd been nearer the end of the walk we'd have done some harvesting.  We sampled a few,but were worried we'd seen the glinting of binoculars from the nearby farmhouse,so moved on a bit smartish.

 Soon we were on a path alongside Cuckfield golf course,where a man was adjusting his sprinkler.  I don't think we put anyone off their shot with our loud chatter,but the man with his sprinkler might have.  Arriving at Cuckfield,we decided to check out the Ship Inn.  Unusually nautical name for a pub so far inland,but the owners were from Brighton.  We thought it might do as a future lunch venue.  Mine host emerged,looking rather purple,with large paunch,and on serving drinks,shaky hands.  He seemed rather vague as to the workings of the pub,unsure as to when they stopped serving food etc.  He suggested we talk to his wife who was busy in the cellar applying anti-fungal solution to the walls.  Alarm bells were now sounding,and we might have beat a hasty retreat had we not already ordered drinks.  Sue and Chris carried out their hot coffee test,and were served what seemed to be instant coffee in brightly coloured mugs,but at least they were hot (very).  The other minus was the endless jazz music,which always causes Wend to to feel a bit twitchy and makes her feel like shoving Satchmo's trumpet down his throat if he were still alive.  I wonder what his cause of death was?

 

Time to move on,and we were soon confronted with a waterlogged path,where the only way through was to straddle it,putting our feet on the higher ground either side.  This was easy for the long legged among us.but Mon and I struggled along with legs at a horizontal angle - something we could do with ease when we were younger.  In fact the splits may have been one of Mon's down-route party tricks.  She had quite a repertoire.  Anyway,we enjoyed the gusset-airing.  Lots of nervous,weeing sheep around again this week.  Honestly,you'd think they'd go behind a bush.  I don't know if so much weeing is normal,or was caused by the fright of seeing us lot.  Mon nearly had to do a bit of herding when we saw a sheep possibly stranded in the field next door,looking through the fence,prisoner cell block H style,but he had others with him,so she concentrated on herding us instead.  Fortunately,we don't wee quite as much,although some wee more than others,mentioning no names.

We came across a huge estate belonging to Maurice Saatchi. Baron Saatchi of Staplefield divides his time between a palatial pad in Mayfair, a grand villa in the south of France and the Old Hall in Staplefield, Sussex It looked as if the grounds were being landscaped,but try as we might,we couldn't see much,other than a peach coloured roman arch,possibly imported from Italy,but by the look of it,polystyrene from B & Q.  Jealous? Moi?  Loads of conifers were being planted as a screen.  Fine,we thought,we don't want them looking at us as we walk.

We got back to The Victory,and chose a table outside,whereupon it rained.  We moved inside,whereupon the sun came out.  It's that sort of summer!  The pub landlord was attending to an erection in the garden.  (I've learned everything I know from Sandra!)  A fence panel actually,which caught TB's attention,being a bloke.He couldn't resist going out to offer some advice,for which we're sure the landlord was grateful.  We admired the colour of the fence,a sort of Farrow and Ball grey/green,and Chris said she wanted to paint her shed green,but couldn't decide on the shade.  We helpfully suggested about fifty,including bilious,khaki,pea etc.,until she wearily said not to worry,she thought she'd paint it cream instead.  Shuuuuuup!  Time to go.  Several venues are being mulled over for next week including Bletchingly and Warnham.  Watch this space.  Thanks for a lovely walk Mon.