Warnham - The Sussex Oak

Tuesday 11th October

Oaks Sex - Us? (think about it)

Walkers: Farty (who has had a procedure and is ready for action once more), T.B., 12 Legs, Windy(or Conzuelamunn), Mrs P., and Clat.
Lil is on a train somewhere between here and Paris, and all others absent.
Distance: 7 3/4 miles

Find of the walk: - well, finding our way round will count, today.

Grey skies overhead, slight smidgeons of rain, and a breezy day, although not chilly. We left later than usual, due to late arrivals caused by tree-felling, octagenarian cyclists, and roadworks - enough said. Farty has been creating some gorgeous cheeses and jellies, and these were kindly distributed before we finally got going.

Ollie's first appearance

Within minutes on the track we met a man clearing the edges, who decided to call T.B. the lone Wolfman seeing as he was our only male member (if you'll pardon the expression). T.B. and Farty are preparing for a new arrival in their household in the shape of a ginger tom called Ollie (more photos to follow). T.B. is therefore odourising an old tee shirt, which means not much washing, so that the little puss can identify with the smell which should rub off on his fir. This in turn, should give the message to the other feline occupants, that Ollie is O.K. and will not give him a hard time - all i can say is 'good luck' - and this is why T.B. walked a little distance away from the rest of us .........................................................

Well then, we we have new paths to tread, and we had some lovely views to look at, whilst frequent check stops were made, in the hopes of not getting lost - we didn't. The shape of our route resembled men's dangly bits on the map, and we decided that the 'pair' should be completed - we did. Luckily for Chris, the cattle were in other fields today, and we noted a beautiful small jet-black cow suckling her equally beautiful calf. Nearby, was Dad - magnificent with the ring through his nose and a magnificent set of dangly bits too - what a co-incidence.

Rambling on, we forded streams, passed by farms, woodlands, and some lovely paths and tracks - a right good mix really. We ventured to the outskirts of Slinfold and returned through some more good examples of the first sentence. Eventually we reached home, and with 15 minutes to spare before last orders.

Shock and Awe!

The pub was very busy - even the octagenarian cyclists were there, filling up before their long cycle ride home - amazing. The landlord made us feel very welcome and told us we could take his two labradors next time we walked from his pub. He told us that it was Curry Week this week, hence the variety on offer on the menu, which none of us had. However, what we did have was abso-flippin' gorgeous. Windy's cod and chips was the size of Cornwall and we wished her well on her journey round its craggy cliffs and downs, and Farty was re-named Monitor Houghton after watching her tongue flicker in and out at the size of her meat pie. In fact, we all had generous portions, and the food tasted good too.

It seems that after last week's sphincter chat, Mrs P, was consumed with gripes and feeling not-nice on her way home. Luckily she had Conzuela to attend, but she managed to 'control' until she got some happy release at home - another co-incidence? We have other words to play with this week - W.O.M.B.A.T. - waste of money, brains and time. A vagetarian is a male sexual maniac, sex is not something that coal comes in, and a Prince Albert is a piercing for men's parts - we live and learn...................................

Soon after though, Farty and T.B. had to leave for appointments, and we stayed longer for tea. The landlord handed out some walking maps for us all - we like it here. Eventually it was then time to leave - especially as a really noisy child was letting it be known he had arrived - and this did not go down well with Minnie.

so, folks, we may be walking from Brockham next week - who knows? - but you will, in time. Have a good week T.T.F.N., as Jimmy Young used to say.