So where are the tulips then?

Tuesday 27 April

Venue: Pashley Manor, near Ticehurst, for the tulip festival

Walkers: Farty, T.B. and Clat. Many absences this week due to holidays, procedures, gutters - all sorts of things!

Find of the walk: the glorious sound of some cuckoooooooooos

Distance: including the 'walk' afterwards, 7 1/2 miles.

Weather: absolutely glorious - warm, sunny, a typically olde English late Springers day.

Clat arrived early, and after using the facilities, had a cup of tea on the terrace where her straw hat became the target of some loose-bowelled birds. She returned to the facilities once more to wash the hat, so met Farty and T.B. with some sogginess to the head.

At the garden entrance, we were immediately met by some of the thousands of tulips. Not all of them out, but nevertheless we got the gist of the colour schemes. The gardens are not very large, but split into pockets, or 'rooms' each with their own theme. There was a swimming pool, a really fab. kitchen garden, and a greenhouse. A lake, fountain, woodlandy walks, and dotted about, sculptures, bronzes, and wood carvings. Close to the entrance was a marquee with lots of tulip varieties on display - glorious.

As you can imagine, the weather and the festival brought out the visitors in their droves. This garden would be better visited out of peak times. The many coaches dis-gorged their contents, and we were very soon surrounded by the colours of beige and taupe, and lots of open-toed sandals - giving the old bunions and corns the chance of a good airing. It seems that most visitors make straight for the food outlets - horrendously long queues soon formed.

Mr Bennett's Daughter

We had a jolly good look round, and T.B. was using his David Bailey equipment and took some fab pics on his professional camera. We heard snippets of conversation, hence the title of today's blog, and in answer to the question of ' so where are the tulips then?' T.B. quietly muttered under his breath ' you're in the middle of f---ing thousands of them'!!

We came across a gang-rape taking place at one point, as three drakes were 'at-it' with a duck. The beige/taupes took matters into their own hands, and were last seen trying to extricate the duck from her attackers. They should have got the old Bill - ha ha ha

The girls spent too much time in the sun

The resident black swan, Fred, is vicious, by the way, but nothing was mentioned about his other half.

On to the walk: We left Pashley and headed into Ticehurst, and the first pub we came to was shut - so this is what things are like in the country then? We found our way to another pub, The Bull, where we were able to get a drink and some food. Clat has noticed that each pub we visit, has it's own resident bar fly - we were not dis-appointed here either. Points today: Ambience: 3, Service: 4, Food: 3, Value: 3 - total, 13/20. Clat is still researching her soups - spicy tomato today., and T.B. is becoming expert on ham, egg and chips.

Suitably nourished, we set off from the pub, to Bewl water. Clat reckoned that boots would not be necessary (wrong), and we set off in trainers instead. We were soon walking by the water's edge, and were doing very well until we met a big bit of muddiness. T.B.'s shoes very quickly changed colour, so we decided to climb up an embankment, and traverse a bit, before dropping down on the other side. This we achieved, and on we travelled. Some very pretty footpaths, and so peaceful and quiet - lovely. We walked for about 2hrs, before finding our way back to the Bull, where we had some coffee, as they don't do tea, and they don't do cake - they are missing a trick here.

So we brought our day to a close, and headed for home. One final thing - a hot-air balloon wafted past us as we motored along - another sign that summer is coming - ooo i've gone all lyrical - don't worry, it won't last.

Right, next week probably Tues 4th, but it might move on a bit - best let us know what suits you! Venue, etc., t.b.a