So where are the tulips then?

Tuesday 27 April

Venue: Pashley Manor, near Ticehurst, for the tulip festival

Walkers: Farty, T.B. and Clat. Many absences this week due to holidays, procedures, gutters - all sorts of things!

Find of the walk: the glorious sound of some cuckoooooooooos

Distance: including the 'walk' afterwards, 7 1/2 miles.

Weather: absolutely glorious - warm, sunny, a typically olde English late Springers day.

Clat arrived early, and after using the facilities, had a cup of tea on the terrace where her straw hat became the target of some loose-bowelled birds. She returned to the facilities once more to wash the hat, so met Farty and T.B. with some sogginess to the head.

At the garden entrance, we were immediately met by some of the thousands of tulips. Not all of them out, but nevertheless we got the gist of the colour schemes. The gardens are not very large, but split into pockets, or 'rooms' each with their own theme. There was a swimming pool, a really fab. kitchen garden, and a greenhouse. A lake, fountain, woodlandy walks, and dotted about, sculptures, bronzes, and wood carvings. Close to the entrance was a marquee with lots of tulip varieties on display - glorious.

As you can imagine, the weather and the festival brought out the visitors in their droves. This garden would be better visited out of peak times. The many coaches dis-gorged their contents, and we were very soon surrounded by the colours of beige and taupe, and lots of open-toed sandals - giving the old bunions and corns the chance of a good airing. It seems that most visitors make straight for the food outlets - horrendously long queues soon formed.

Mr Bennett's Daughter

We had a jolly good look round, and T.B. was using his David Bailey equipment and took some fab pics on his professional camera. We heard snippets of conversation, hence the title of today's blog, and in answer to the question of ' so where are the tulips then?' T.B. quietly muttered under his breath ' you're in the middle of f---ing thousands of them'!!

We came across a gang-rape taking place at one point, as three drakes were 'at-it' with a duck. The beige/taupes took matters into their own hands, and were last seen trying to extricate the duck from her attackers. They should have got the old Bill - ha ha ha

The girls spent too much time in the sun

The resident black swan, Fred, is vicious, by the way, but nothing was mentioned about his other half.

On to the walk: We left Pashley and headed into Ticehurst, and the first pub we came to was shut - so this is what things are like in the country then? We found our way to another pub, The Bull, where we were able to get a drink and some food. Clat has noticed that each pub we visit, has it's own resident bar fly - we were not dis-appointed here either. Points today: Ambience: 3, Service: 4, Food: 3, Value: 3 - total, 13/20. Clat is still researching her soups - spicy tomato today., and T.B. is becoming expert on ham, egg and chips.

Suitably nourished, we set off from the pub, to Bewl water. Clat reckoned that boots would not be necessary (wrong), and we set off in trainers instead. We were soon walking by the water's edge, and were doing very well until we met a big bit of muddiness. T.B.'s shoes very quickly changed colour, so we decided to climb up an embankment, and traverse a bit, before dropping down on the other side. This we achieved, and on we travelled. Some very pretty footpaths, and so peaceful and quiet - lovely. We walked for about 2hrs, before finding our way back to the Bull, where we had some coffee, as they don't do tea, and they don't do cake - they are missing a trick here.

So we brought our day to a close, and headed for home. One final thing - a hot-air balloon wafted past us as we motored along - another sign that summer is coming - ooo i've gone all lyrical - don't worry, it won't last.

Right, next week probably Tues 4th, but it might move on a bit - best let us know what suits you! Venue, etc., t.b.a

The gloves are off - but not the vest

Tuesday 20 April: Duke's Head, Tadworth/Walton-on-the-Hill, or if you are using Windy's computer directions, you end up at the Blue Anchor next door! However, we waved her in and she parked up o.k.

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy, Registrarah, Clat. Due to menopausal error, 12 legs did not appear, as Clat had put 27th down for today's walk. Million apologies, and we shall try and ensure a text is sent the night before - BUT, if you don't get one, then text either Farty or Clat - thank you, and we usually do a walk on Tuesdays. No Sally - are you stranded in the dust? Mrs Provincial is up to her eyes - oooooo-er

Distance: 8 3/4 miles - well done everyone, as it wasn't easy walking today

Find of the walk: a mauled, one-eyed tiger - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Perfect weather - aren't we lucky? No aeroplanes, so the skies are clear and quiet. No vapour trails, except from Farty - more later.

Our walk was mainly bridleways today, and a fair bit of road walking. We headed towards Walton on the Hill, past the duck pond, and onwards into the countryside. Very dry on the tracks, and we were soon heading towards the foot of Epsom Downs. This path is not very conducive for talking, as it is narrow, and littered with rocks and stones, so it was eyes down, pretty much all the way.

Bladder control today was excellent, and we all hung-on until the end of the walk. However, Farty had other problems, as you can see from the state of this house after she had passed by.

Horses galore - after all we are in racehorse country, and masses of flowers - so lovely to see. We also had vistas over towards Heathrow T5 - spot the deliberate mistake? no aircraft flying around. We spotted a well-preserved coal tax post - if you want to know more about these little landmarks, please have a google.

We headed on down to the M25 and underneath it, finding a dead badger and a dead fox . Our path led us upwards to the site of Farty's fall a couple of years ago, on to Headley Church and the Cock (not THAT sort) pub, before we turned towards our homeward stretch. Underneath the M25 again - we actually had a lot of long steepish hills to climb which wasn't very pleasant, and conversation stopped for a time. Wind and Registrarar coped very well with their 'heaving chests' , especially with their recent bronichal problems. We got a bit hot too, so more drinks stops were scheduled today.

It was here that we found our first Islamic horse, complete with Burkha(?) how about that then? The path eventually led us into Walton on the Hill, and we walked a few roads before our final bridleway back to the start.

Can't say it was a popular route, and Mon and Clat will be working on other walks from here, as it is a good meeting point. Now back to the pub - the Duke's Head. Good find - will allow you to park there, welcome well-behaved dogs, and food served all day - perfect for the likes of us.

So here are the scores: Ambience - 4: Food 4 - cos Wind only had a couple of slithers of avocado on her salad . Service - 5 - excellent, and good portions. Value: - 5 , giving a cracking score of 18/20.

So folks, next Tuesday 27th - there is a visit to Pashley Gardens, near Ticehurst on the cards. Sadly they don't take dogs, but the reason for going is the promised thousands of tulips on show. If you fancy going let us know, then perhaps we could car-share or summink.

Otherwise, we shall meet on Tuesday 4 May - I have double-checked that this is correct. Venue to be announced.

Give us a Sign - oh lawd!!!!

Tuesday 13 April 2010

Venue: The Rising Sun, Charlwood - but we moved to the Half Moon, which accepts, or rather, 'loves' dogs.

Walkers: Farty, T..B. 12 legs - one of whom (Chris) became a man magnet .Mrs Provincial, Clat. Windy was meeting us for lunch due to her bronichals, but that got changed. Sally is having treatment on a body part. Angela (Rahra Registrar) was at work.

Distance: 8 3/4 miles - phew

Find of the Walk: Mrs P's watch, which was found by T.B. before she realised it had fallen orf.

Weather : clear, bright and sunny. a north-easterly breeze made it feel cooler in exposed areas- and this depended on what you exposed.

What a lovely walk this was, and very quickly we agreed this could become a favourite. We set off through the churchyard at Charlwood, and over , on to a small road , at the end of which was Charlwood air museum - TB soon had his camera out. Here, WW2 and beyond, aircraft, are being lovingly restored and maintained, and bits of wings, tails, engines, etc. were very evident. This is where Farty left her stick, but recovered it at the end of the walk.

From here, we entered Glovers Wood Nature Reserve, and very soon we were in the peace and quiet of the place, save for the aircraft flying overhead for Gatwick Airport. Some gorgeous clumps of spring and woodland flowers, a little vole shot across our path, and then our route led us into some spectacular woodland, all of it bursting with life, and about to explode into fantastic floral splendour very soon. - sorry, got a bit carried away there.

We were doing very well, so we thought, until, once again, the farmer had removed an essential way-marker, and we found ourselves in the corner of a field, with no sign of a footpath, and a lake in view. This is where our man magnet found her first conquest, and very soon he came to our rescue and allowed us across his land and back onto the right footpath. Farty and I spied the back end of a deer ( a be-hind - ha ha ha)

We had already crossed a field with cows, and traversed a few smaller ones with friendly ponies , and not so friendly dogs. We stopped off for a look, at Tanhouse Farm, which has a cafe and a farm shop - Farty bought some homous. Time was ticking on, and we decided that we would not get back to the intended pub in time.

We walked on to Newdigate, and parked ourselves at the The Six Bells, which welcomes dogs, and charges 2 flippin' pounds for a pint of lime squash!!!!!!!! Our man magnet was soon in action, once again, and was found chatting to a local - what is her secret?!! This pub was also an old drinking haunt for Oliver Reed, judging by the photos and stuff, on the walls. Met a very nice chocolate-coloured labrador called Charlie Brown, who was taking his owner for a walk rather than the other way round. Mrs P had to 'phone Windy re change of plan, which meant no sighting of Windy - please come next week, we miss you!

Lunch was fine - scores: Ambience: 3 (bit cold and lifeless), Value: 4 (except for the squash - it was cheaper to have half a guinness. Food: 5, Service: 3 The intervention of the pub's landlord resulted in our plates being cleared away, the lights being switched on, and being told the barman was not doing his job properly. So this gives a score of 15/20

Not used to this, we set off AFTER lunch, and headed back towards Charlwood, past Cudworth Manor, and eventually back into Glovers Wood, meeting several dogs on the way. We 'landed' just after 4p.m. so a bit of a day out really, but in this weather, and with all the magical stuff happening out there, it was wonderful.

So, next walk is pencilled in for Tues 27th - Meet at the Dukes Head on the Tadworth Road, near the Walton on Heath golf course - FORE! or 'is that my ball in your hole?' !

Final piccies from sunny spring walk

MANY APOLOGIES FOR THE DELAY - HAVE FINALLY MANAGED TO GET THE LAST OF THE PHOTOS FROM YESTERDAY'S WALK ON TO THE BLOG - BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, STILL CAN'T ARRANGE THEM VERY WELL ON THE PAGE! I'LL CARRY ON TRYING, PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT AND ALL THAT . . .

Right: Find of the walk, tasteful tulip arrangment still in the field 5 months later!

Below right: Ladies in Lavender taking elevenses in the church porch





Below: Clatters and TB

Right: one of the doors at St Bartholomew Church, Burstow

A sunny spring walk for the walking wounded

Burstow Church

The Conservative Duck House

Seat made specially for said Tory to survey his duck house!

The field of Daffodils

'Well, we told you to stop talking and start paying attention . . and now we have to sort out the mess . . .!'

Skunk Cabbage

Venue: The Hedgehog Inn, Effingham Road, Copthorne

Walkers: Clatchat, Farty, TB, Mrs Provincial and our newest member - 'Rara Registrar'!! A warm welcome Angela!! Our Sal and two of our 12 legs (Chris) joined us for lunch afterwards.

Distance: 10k/just over 6 miles. A good effort considering the handicaps - poor M&M putting in a brave effort having been laid very low with a nasty case of the dreaded Norovirus, Rara Registrar on her first official walk as a fully fledged member and yours truly having whinged out of the last few walks on account of my back. Apologies for absence received from Ms Nohills due to a bad case of Spanish cough. Can we blame them too for the norovirus? Why not?! 10 legs were at the doggie hairdressers being coiffed and hopefully ready for next walk (well, the 8 legs and not Sue we presume!)

Weather: Sunny but still a chill in the air.

Find of the walk: a repeat of the last Hedgehog walk last November - our wondfully tasteful tulips still abandoned in a ditch, and amazingly enough, the ones we photographed last time were still lying in the field. If I can ever get this silly programme to upload the photos , you may even be able to see a photo of said find!

We set off just a tad late, and Mrs Provincial being fresh from her Map and Compass course was delegated as navigator - panic! Bit like being told to operate as CSD at short notice . . . However, Clatters was there to keep an eye, and luckily Farty was observant enough to find a number of signs when I was too busy talking - I know, most unusual . . .

We retraced many of our steps from the last walk. Much of it was muddy underfoot, but first lovely sight we came across was a field planted with beautiful daffs - apparently they are Welsh daffs, slightly smaller than the usual but they made a glorious sight. Onwards past at least 2 duck houses which made us think this is obviously true blue Tory country - the 2nd one being a floating house! The owners were no doubt busy filling in their expenses forms . . . . and hoping for re-election next month . . fat chance!

We passed the site of the abandoned sofa from November, sadly no longer there (this time I would have been tempted to put it in the back of my car!) and onwards to Burstow church where we stopped for mid morning refreshments. This time the church wasn't covered in scaffolding and we were delighted to find it open so popped inside for a quick look. Very pretty, particularly with the Easter flowers.

We found many of the signs to be broken/in bad state of repair, and also we found the stiles to be very high - or perhaps we are just shrinking? It comes with age, oh dear. We found some very unusual plants in a waterlogged ditch which according to our very own horticulturist Farty is an alien species called 'skunk cabbage'. We could smell why it got its name! Our 2 norovirus sufferers were doing really well at this point, particularly when TB announced very happily that normal service had been resumed in the 'wind' department! Luckily he was behind us all in the field when he put this into practice. . . So we made the decision that rather than do an 'add on' we would cut the walk slightly short and head back for the pub before we all succumbed to our various disabilites - sorry Clatters and Rararegistrar, you 2 were in fine form and am sure could have carried on.

Pub scores on the doors: Ambiance 3, Food 4, Service 3 (very slow, all chewing the chair legs by the time it arrived) and Value 5 - 2 main courses for a tenner, great value and good food too.

It was great that 2 legs and Sal could join us and good to catch up on all the news and gossip.

Next walk: Tuesday 13th April, The Rising Sun, 64 The Street, Charlwood, RH6 0DS. Map reference (hope I've got this right!) TQ242412

See you there!

PS: Will try to post the rest of the photos tomorrow - I'm afraid still haven't quite mastered this uploading thing and have had enough for one evening!