Slurry with a fringe on the top

Tuesday 16th March

Venue: Reigate Hill, for Reigate mark II

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 12 Legs, Windy and Clat

Find of the walk: a fossilised phallus (no offence, Martin!)

Distance: a much more respectable 7.5 miles

Weather - fantastic - just right, and so welcome. The sun shone,with a gentle breeze, and a good vibe all round.

Before we set off, we noticed that Josephine (one of our canine contingent), appeared to be necking a doggie 'whopper' burger, which was in fact, some horse doo. This was quickly removed, and that set the tone of the day, which seemed to cover all aspects of poo , and surrounding body parts - sorry folks. The find of the walk didn't help either.

The fashionistas are at it or rather, hat it again, as Chris sported her 'Ecky-thump, eeeee by gum' look - her salute to Cheltenham which is 'on' this week.

Sue worried us at first, by looking decidedly pregnant, but we discovered it was her top which had a HUGE pocket at the front. Windy thereafter referred to it as the settee. This capacious feature contained everything but the kitchen sink, and included a dog bed.

We set off and down the hill towards the rather exclusive Royal Alexandra and Albert school, where the dawgies were mobbed by a bunch of kids on their way to lacrosse. Tails went down, as they were not used to so much attention. Our route took us onwards, mainly along the North Downs Way, and such lovely drifts of snowdrops, crocuses and other spring things - delightful. On we went, through the Reigate Hill golf course (fore!) which led to a section of Merstham.

From there, we crossed the M25 and stopped for a break at The Church of the Epiphany, a very pretty church on the hill. The stone bench was very cold, but Martin told us we weren't on there long enough to get piles - see, poo-related again. The yew trees were emitting what looked like clouds of smoke at first, but it was in fact pollen - quite a sight.

To keep Windy amused, we then tackled quite a steep hill. We couldn't see the crest, but just as we were drawing near, a huge contraption attached to a tractor, came into sight, and was rapidly heading our way. No room for manoeuvre, and it looked as if we were going to get very fertilised. However, the farmer very kindly stopped in his tracks, and let us get through, and onto another path - you could smell him for miles.

The track led us down to Fanny's Farm - you must go there - it is mad! We stopped for a quick look-see, and the dawgies met a very friendly lesbian jack russell, who then tried to mount poor Josephine - oh dear, here we go again. We made our exit and up through to some woodland - masses of bluebells coming here. A few fields later, and on to the pub - a break from the norm as we were walking afterwards! This was the Well House at Mugswell, and it welcomes dogs. A good lunch, and our stop-over lasted lhr and 20mins. The marking criteria is as follows: Ambulance, Service, Food, Value. Each section gets 5 points max, so this is what the score was: A - 5, S - 5, F - 4, V - 3 (it would have got 4, but coffee was £2 a cup), so a total of 17/20.

Full of food, we re-commenced our journey, and arrived at the car park about 40 mins later. The end of this walk is a bit hairy, as we have to cross several roads above the A217/M25 intersection, but we all agreed, that this is one of the best walks for a huge variety of countryside. Mon is looking at extending our route further, so we may be clocking up the miles, big-time.

Our next walk is planned for Tuesday 23 March - meet at Denbies Wine Estate, 1030. See you there!