The Grape Escape

Tuesday 23 March

Venue: Denbies Vineyard , Dorking

Walkers: Farty, T.B. , 12 Legs, Clat. Windy is on holiday - ole or however you spell it. Sally is 'involved with the BA. stuff', and Trish is sorting out her back. We look forward to seeing all of you soon.

Distance: 7.9 miles - hurrah!

Find of the walk: two pussies

Weather: blame the weathermen for getting it completely wrong - more later.

We assembled under sunnyish skies, rain not promised for late p.m. Wrong! it arrived about 1 hr into the walk, and so we got very damp, and Chinese-looking, as we tried to peer through the mist - oh yes

Our route took us through the vineyards, and workers abounded, as we saw them clipping the vines right back, in readiness for, hopefully, a bumper crop of grapes this year. From there, we travelled through some of the streets of Dorking town, and out and up, to Milton Heath. This is very pretty countryside, and our path led us alongside a magnificent hen-run, with a splendid cock in charge - you should have seen his spurs.

Over a brook, up a slight hill and down again, as we arrived at the village of Westcott, where we passed by 'that man' who has been in the news for having a shambles of a garden, which looks like, and is, a complete tip. It seems that others have been getting in on the act, and adding to the rubbish already there - what a mess. We headed downwards, and over another brook, up again , down again, and over another brook with loads of wild garlic.

Up we went again (Wind. would have loved this), more steeply this time, and over a railway line. Our route got steeper and steeper, and more like a rock-face, but the fashionistas flew up the hill like the slender gazelles they are, and left the rest of us puffing and pausing for breath. We finally reached our summit, to view the fabulous and far-reaching views - wrong! Today, we experienced heavy mists, or a'front' which had come in, and obscured our views entirely. There were however some lovely violets dotted about.

We were now on the North Downs Way, and we journeyed upwards a little more, and saw a man (with not much on) , holding his equipment up and peering through it. His enormous rucksack looked big enough to contain a body - oo -er.

We are now on Ranmore Common, and we passed St Barnabas Church, where one of our ex-flying colleagues is now the rector. However the church was locked and no sign of life - if you get my meaning!

After finding a man talking down a hole (he was on the 'phone), we turned sharp right ,and rambled down the gentle slopes towards the vineyard once more. We arrived quite damp, and a little muddy, but ready for our lunch. This was taken at the Stepping Stones pub, a little way from Denbies. They accept dogs, and do food until 2.30, but they close afterwards. The scores are: ambulance - 2 (because it had no soul, and felt cold and bare), Food: 4, Service: 4, Value 4. which gives a score of 14/20.

It was still raining as we left. There is no walk scheduled for next week, due to stuff going on. However, we do hope to resume on Tues. 6 April. The clocks go FORWARD this Sunday, 28th.

In the meantime -HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE, AND EAT CHOCOLATE - remember, an oeuf is enough - ha ha ha ha ha

Slurry with a fringe on the top

Tuesday 16th March

Venue: Reigate Hill, for Reigate mark II

Walkers: Farty, T.B., 12 Legs, Windy and Clat

Find of the walk: a fossilised phallus (no offence, Martin!)

Distance: a much more respectable 7.5 miles

Weather - fantastic - just right, and so welcome. The sun shone,with a gentle breeze, and a good vibe all round.

Before we set off, we noticed that Josephine (one of our canine contingent), appeared to be necking a doggie 'whopper' burger, which was in fact, some horse doo. This was quickly removed, and that set the tone of the day, which seemed to cover all aspects of poo , and surrounding body parts - sorry folks. The find of the walk didn't help either.

The fashionistas are at it or rather, hat it again, as Chris sported her 'Ecky-thump, eeeee by gum' look - her salute to Cheltenham which is 'on' this week.

Sue worried us at first, by looking decidedly pregnant, but we discovered it was her top which had a HUGE pocket at the front. Windy thereafter referred to it as the settee. This capacious feature contained everything but the kitchen sink, and included a dog bed.

We set off and down the hill towards the rather exclusive Royal Alexandra and Albert school, where the dawgies were mobbed by a bunch of kids on their way to lacrosse. Tails went down, as they were not used to so much attention. Our route took us onwards, mainly along the North Downs Way, and such lovely drifts of snowdrops, crocuses and other spring things - delightful. On we went, through the Reigate Hill golf course (fore!) which led to a section of Merstham.

From there, we crossed the M25 and stopped for a break at The Church of the Epiphany, a very pretty church on the hill. The stone bench was very cold, but Martin told us we weren't on there long enough to get piles - see, poo-related again. The yew trees were emitting what looked like clouds of smoke at first, but it was in fact pollen - quite a sight.

To keep Windy amused, we then tackled quite a steep hill. We couldn't see the crest, but just as we were drawing near, a huge contraption attached to a tractor, came into sight, and was rapidly heading our way. No room for manoeuvre, and it looked as if we were going to get very fertilised. However, the farmer very kindly stopped in his tracks, and let us get through, and onto another path - you could smell him for miles.

The track led us down to Fanny's Farm - you must go there - it is mad! We stopped for a quick look-see, and the dawgies met a very friendly lesbian jack russell, who then tried to mount poor Josephine - oh dear, here we go again. We made our exit and up through to some woodland - masses of bluebells coming here. A few fields later, and on to the pub - a break from the norm as we were walking afterwards! This was the Well House at Mugswell, and it welcomes dogs. A good lunch, and our stop-over lasted lhr and 20mins. The marking criteria is as follows: Ambulance, Service, Food, Value. Each section gets 5 points max, so this is what the score was: A - 5, S - 5, F - 4, V - 3 (it would have got 4, but coffee was £2 a cup), so a total of 17/20.

Full of food, we re-commenced our journey, and arrived at the car park about 40 mins later. The end of this walk is a bit hairy, as we have to cross several roads above the A217/M25 intersection, but we all agreed, that this is one of the best walks for a huge variety of countryside. Mon is looking at extending our route further, so we may be clocking up the miles, big-time.

Our next walk is planned for Tuesday 23 March - meet at Denbies Wine Estate, 1030. See you there!

The wind blows high and the wind blows low, so it's quickly back to the pub we go.

Wednesday 10th March (no smoking day, apparently)

Venue: The Barley Mow, Tandridge

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy (who has now dried-out), 12 legs, Clat. Trish will join us, once her back is better, and Sally is having her elbow tended to.

Weather: cold, grey, nasty wind from the n.e., but dry

Distance: a not very creditable 5.5 miles

Find of the walk: gorgeous clumps of snowdrops

Once assembled, off we went, heading West. This is Farty's favourite walk, and the one she wants to be scattered on (morbid start then). The biting wind, came straight at us, so it was a relief to find many wooded parts. This is big woodpecker country, and their handiwork or beakiwork was evident. There were more stiles than we were used to, so getting our legs over took us longer than usual, and at one stile we nearly got a prick in the groin, due to a rampant holly bush. Just before that, Windy was attacked by a nasty bramble which nearly toppled her, and we also noticed a broken tree overhead - shiver me timbers.

Our route took us through Godstone Farm, which was closed last year, due to an e-coli outbreak. Now back in action, with signs, pictures, soap and water, so no excuse for the little darlings to pick up a bug. We saw sheep and a couple of pigs there, and the tiniest of tiniest ponies too ------ah.

The cold prevented us from stopping long anywhere. This, we noted, has also delayed the growth of bluebells and daffodils - it will look stonking in a few weeks from now. No field livestock encountered at all, and we narrowly missed a tractor, spreading slurry. We passed by our 'photo-shoot' position, for our web-site , and noted it was the same folk doing the walk. We crossed the busy A22 twice, and for some reason, we all found it hard-going today, so no add-ons were added on, and back we came to the pub.

The hat fashionistas are getting out of control, and today, one of the 12 legs sported a dog bed on her head.

In the pub a rather nasty smell of sewage seemed to pervade - so that's why the loos don't flush properly. Various dishes ordered - Wind and Chris were heavily into S & M (sausage and mash). We decided the food was mediocre, and not really good value for money - how we fare with the fare, will become a feature of the blog from now on.

Our next walk is scheduled for TUESDAY 16 March, meeting at Reigate Hill, to execute Reigate II, which will include Fanny's Farm.- see you there.

p.s.

May I just add to previous blog? The insert and comment about me and my hat, was supplied by T.B. !!

Also, re Wind's spectacular manoeuvre - inspite of her 'downfall' , her immaculately clean, cream jacket, stayed virgo intacto - not a mark on it, so well done - is your foot dry yet? xx

Last Ditch Attempt!

Tuesday: 2 March

Venue: The Jolly Farmer at Whitewood

Walkers: Farty, T.B., Windy (the water feature), 12 legs, Clat

Weather: absolutely fabulous - clear blue skies, warm sunshine - Spring could be springing, folks. Today's Fashionista certainly thinks so! Anyone for polo or where's the hare or grouse?

Find of the walk : Cinderella's? shoe

Lovely location, just off the A22 , south of Godstone - a farm shop is nearby too. The kindly landlord supplied Clat with a free coffee before we set out. He also gave us a menu, paper and pen, so we could order our food in advance, and give an e.t.a. for lunch - now that is what I call service.

We set off on what was a clearly marked walk (see further), mainly bridleway, so we did meet quite an abundance of horses and dogs. The recent heavy rainfall meant muddy parts were encountered, but mainly easily navigable. A lovely variety of terrain - hills, dales, woods, fields, farms, and up to St Mark's chapel , where air shafts were marked on the map - but we didn't feel a thing. Some gorgeous Spring flowers were in evidence - the colours were amazing. Good views and vistas, and some lovely homes to live in.

We covered the first half of the walk in record time, and even debated doing an add-on. Good job we didn't , as the return journey was much muddier, and the farmer had kindly removed the way signs at a crucial point on our route. This meant that a bearing to the left was missed, and we ended up going round the edge of several fields.

At the final field (before the road), we found ourselves hedged in - literally, and wide, deep, and water-filled ditches prevented our escape. However, this brave group decided to attempt a ditch-crossing , where it all went a bit wrong. We carefully navigated the steep banks, and had to make a jump for it to get to the other side. The dogs were launched successfully, and nearly everyone else got across. However, poor Windy didn't quite make it, and although she hit the opposite bank running, one of her feet went into the ditch - quite deeply, and she sort of spun off afterwards, heading for terra firma, but luckily she stayed upright. A spectacular manoeuvre !!!! We shall have to give her some ditching drills to practice, and she was worried about trench foot setting in to her now sodden area - quite a tidemark on the trousers, Wend. T.B. got several hand thorns/splinters on some brambles and explained the relationship between taking aspirin, and bloodflow.

So whilst we were milling about looking for exit routes, one of the hedges suddenly spoke and said 'i think you are lost, everyone else gets lost here'. We were then invited to cross the ditch at another point and enter the garden alongside, where we found the owner of the voice. A very friendly and helpful man, who was quite happy to let us cross his garden. We passed two hens and a bedraggled cock (ooo matron) on our exit route. More road walking than planned had to be navigated, but we did get back to the pub at 1400 as planned.

Lunch was fine - prices very low, and staff friendly. Toilets were spotless.

The next walk is planned for WEDNESDAY 10 March, at the Barley Mow, at Tandridge - will text later.

NOTABLE DATES FOR THE FUTURE:

Tues 27th April - Pashley Manor and Gardens, for the tulip festival.. It is near Ticehurst, E Sussex.

Nymans Gardens - tbc as there are thousands of buds there at the moment.